13 January, 2011

Right Before I Left

I hate this photo.

It was taken the day before I moved to London, and my boyfriend was trying incredibly hard to smile and be brave for me. It was taken over brunch, but I hadn't eaten much in months, I was unbearably sad and too scared to think straight. I had trouble making eye contact with him that entire day because I knew I'd cry if I did.

Even though I've now moved back to SF, when I see this photo I feel incredibly sad. And when I lay in bed next to my boyfriend, I often remember the night before I left and how I stayed up until I couldn't keep my eyes open anymore... and the moment the alarm went off that next morning I yelled, "no no no no no no please no!" I don't remember much after that until I said goodbye to him in the car outside my parents' place. I remember crying at the airport saying goodbye to my mom, and being glad that my boyfriend wasn't at the airport because I wouldn't have had the strength to get on the plane if he had been.

What's lame is that I still get a little wet-eyed just thinking about those last two days. I was such a mess.


lipsticklori said...

Just as well there's not a photo of me from when you left to go home, eh? :-(

Derek said...

I would look upon this as 'a good thing', consider yourself very fortunate that you have someone like that, someone whom you hate to leave :)