Ok Cupid

Out of morbid curiosity I joined OK Cupid. I had an account from five years ago back when it was still a quiz site with the dating aspect thrown in for good measure. Anyhow, my boyfriend has met one or two interesting people on the site, and turns out a lot of my poly friends are on it too. So what the hell, I updated my profile and put up a picture to see what would happen.


Three days, 56 messages, and a lot of eye rolling later, I have learned quite a bit about the dating world. It's not a world I'm at all experienced in, and it's rife with brilliant idiots and shitty grammar.

In summary, what I have learned through being on a dating site is that people's social skills are severely underdeveloped. Mine included.

On Matters of the Heart and Hair

Open relationships ares a lot like hairstyles.

What you were born and raised with might not be what suits you best. Against the wishes of the people in charge, you cut or dye it. You change the colour and you change the shape. Sometimes it looks fantastic, and sometimes you have to wear a hat.

Perhaps you experiment a little too much and find you have destroyed you hair. And maybe you cut it all off so you can start fresh. But it is still your hair, and it grows back and looks plain but familiar. Only when it has reached a suitable length can you fiddle around with it again.

If you experiment enough, you will find the perfect red dye and the perfect bob. You'll change it slightly every now and then to keep it interesting, but you'll begin to define yourself by the new hairstyle. And slowly- very, very slowly- you find that the mousy brown you were born with is beginning to seem ill-suited to your personality.

There is a catch though. Once you've found the perfect colour and cut, you have upkeep to deal with. This look isn't what comes naturally to you. If you don't maintain the red dye and cute bob, the vibrancy fades, the haircut becomes shaggy, and it never seems to look good anymore. Red hair and fringe take a lot a maintenance.

I still don't think my hairstyle suits me. There are days when I want to rip my hair out, and bang my head against a wall. There are days when I have done exactly that. In fact most of this past week I have been doing that. But I am still in search of that elusive red dye, and that indefinably perfect hairstyle.

My hope is that when I find the look that suits me, I will gain confidence in knowing that it is all good, and it is all safe.