I Miss Him

As I watched my boyfriend on webcam choose a Tshirt to wear today, I was struck by how much I miss the little things about being with him. I miss the routine of our mornings, especially the ones where he dragged me out of bed before I convinced him to snuggle for "just 5 more minutes....zzzz". I miss how he always grabbed me around the waist when I was putting my makeup on in the mirror. Or just being around him while he put on socks and boots and packed up his laptop to go to work.

I miss making breakfast with him (on mornings that my "5 more minutes" hadn't made us too late to eat). And I miss our regular Sunday brunches. I miss how he used to wake me up on Sunday mornings when he came over to my place by climbing into bed for a few minutes, and how he'd often pass out while spooning me and sleep long after I'd gotten up to shower and dress.

I miss his appreciative looks whenever I was dressed in something cute, and how he was the best clothing shopping partner ever. (I hate shopping for myself, but he was SO good at finding things that look great on me. And in turn, I was great at shopping for him.) I miss the starved-child-looking-at-a-sumptuous-meal stare I got from him whenever I wandered around in my underwear trying to decide what to wear. I always made fun of it, but I really do miss feeling like someone appreciates me as a whole package, even after many years. And he knows me too well, really. He's seen me at my worst. Many times. And he still likes me... I miss that.

I miss our particular brand of awful humor. (I guess I should say humour now, hm?) I miss our excellent taste in food. I miss how he always wanted me to watch movies that were possibly too scary for me. Most of the time they weren't, but I was always sure they would be.

I just miss him. It makes me want to move home I miss him so much sometimes.

It's Saturday night and I am home working on this summer homework project. Tomorrow is Sunday and I didn't even notice until just now. Sunday used to be my favorite day of the week because it was the day I got to see my boy all day long with no interruptions. But now Sunday means nothing to me, really. I wish I had something to look forward to tomorrow.... I wish he would come over and crawl into bed next to me for an hour before we would go out in search of waffles and bacon and mimosas....

Potential

So my dorm flat feels very much like a hospital. It is not a happy or welcoming place. This is our hallway:

We have all lamented the fact that the only hang out space we have is our pathetic little kitchen in the middle of the flat.

This evening (perhaps fueled by entirely too much wine with dinner) I had a thought as I walked to my room. See that green fire exit sign in the photo above? It points to a door that opens to a hallway to a fire escape. I pass that door every day and never before noted the fact that there is a little room off of the hallway.



Hmmmmmmmmmmmm........

Yes, we would get into all sorts of trouble if anyone found out. But it could be full of a shag rug and a coupla bean bags and, like, a lava lamp, dude. I mean, come on, it wouldn't even be in the way of the hallway to the fire exit, so it's not dangerous...

However, that green key-like thingamy on the door is potentially problematic as none of us know if it will set off the fire alarm. But being the bad person I am, I might find myself consulting the flat mates before trying it just to see what happens.

Or maybe I shouldn't drink so much.

Dorm Progression, week 2

Ok it hasn't been exactly two weeks yet, but I had a moment of artsy craftsy clever-ness and wanted to share the cuteness that is now my window covering:

"But wait," you say, "you are not allowed to put up curtains or hang anything on walls!" You would of course be right, and this is where my arsty craftsy-ness came into play. As I was drifting off to sleep last night I had an idea about how to hang some fabric over my window. I happened to find that red scarf at a vintage shop today and the whole thing came together a few minutes ago. (I also found the awesome/hideous/fabulous scarf that is hanging over my chair at the same store.)

I pulled some thick elastic very tightly across the wooden frame of the window and put a snap into the two ends to keep it in a nice tight loop, thus giving me a way to hang some fabric over the elastic band. I can also tie the scarf up in the middle with some ribbon I happen to have, giving it a nice draped look that lets more light through.

And now I'm sitting at my desk enjoying the warm toned light coming through the scarf while I refine some of the sketches I did in my new favorite local coffee shop.

Go me!

In Theory...

In theory this is my plan for today:

Get out of the house
Draw in a cafe and get some work done
Look for a desk lamp
Find a place to fax something to the united states
Shop for foods (as I currently am down to a potato and a jar of peanut butter)
NOT buy shoes or boots instead of food or lamp <---that's the hardest one.

but they're pretty! And cute with dresses and tights!

Laziness or Lonliness

Low key day. I should be out, but I feel kinda shitty.

I've been working on my homework but I'm feeling a mite distracted and bored.

I got some mail today that was the second (and third) super extra annoying customs charge for a box I shipped. All in all, they've charged me an additional £250 or so for three boxes on top of the shipping fees I paid in the US. Is that trashy to talk about money? I don't care right now, I'm too annoyed to be classy about it.

It feels like I've been here longer than ten days. I suppose they have been very full days, though. Still, I wish I had more things sorted out. A real cell phone for example instead of this crappy thing I have. Or some storage in my room. Or the homework finished. Or a few more friends made. I feel like I've wasted my time here, somehow.

I really wish I had more friends. Loneliness is on the fringes of my psyche, closing in. I keep it at bay by leaving my door open to hear the sounds of my room mates, keeping my window open so I can hear street noise, and being online whenever I'm home. I start up conversations with people, but they never go anywhere. "Weird American," they must be thinking. And I've found that a little retail therapy hasn't hurt either. But when it comes down to it, I am desperate for companionship of some kind.

I feel sort of pathetic that it's only taken me 10 days or so before I've started to notice a need for other people. I was really hoping I'd find my own independent nature here. Maybe I have in some ways. No, I know I have in some ways. But I still crave a social life.

I'd like to think that I'll feel a little better if I get a big chunk of this homework assignment out of the way. But maybe it isn't the best thing for me to be sitting alone in my dorm room drawing all day.

The Mundane, and Something Exciting

Now that some of the adrenaline fueled excitement of the move has worn off I am faced with the realities of day to day living in a new city. It's amazing how much mental work is involved in setting up life from scratch.

I never realized how much I relied upon my friends with cars, and the occasional taxi until now. San Francisco is a small enough city that I could trust that a $15-20 cab ride could get me from one side of the city to the other. But London is anything but small- 7x7 this aint. Today I am faced with questions like "how do I get from one place to another when I have to carry a very heavy, awkward box all the way across the city?" for example.

I spent last night drawing and trying to get some ideas for my summer homework assignment. In case I haven't mentioned this before, I am sketching a mini collection based upon my most potent summer experience- having my wisdom teeth pulled while I was awake. I have some interesting ideas on paper, but my scribbles are probably incomprehensible to anyone but me. If anything good comes out of this assignment I'll post them here for you to see.

However in the midst of all this boring blathering, I do have some very exciting news! My boyfriend bought his tickets to come see me in early November! WEEEEEE! He will be here for a week, and I will get to show him the sights around town, and generally ignore all but the most important things at school that week. The weather will be crappy, but I can't wait to show him all the cool stuff I've seen!

It will be so good to see him. I talk to him online most days, but it's not the same and being able to touch him, or feel his presence next to me while we go about our day. I feel very lonely sometimes, and waste a lot of idle time online hoping he'll be on. Just seeing the little green "online" dot next to his screen name makes me feel a little better. A little. Obviously it can't compare to warm skin against yours as you drift off to sleep each night.

And now I should go get my day started. I'm being lazy this morning because I can be and because I have no schedule right now. *yawn*

Happiness

Happy: walking past my local strip club and hearing Goldfrapp's "Happiness" playing loudly from the open door.

Enrolled (and stuff)

I enrolled today. Which is apparently not the same thing is registering for classes. In fact, no classes were involved. I simply handed them a few sheets of paper and they said, "ok, you're enrolled, now scram!"

I had to ask around a couple of times, but it seems I am supposed to show up again next Monday to find out what my classes are. Which means I don't start classes until Tuesday at the earliest. It also means I really need to get my ass in gear and work on this summer homework assignment they gave us.

I'm having a tough time sketching in my room. But then I've always found that my bedroom is a void of productivity. One of the major downsides to this dorm is that there is no common room to hang out besides the kitchen, and the kitchen isn't the greatest place to do anything, much less be creative. And just to worsen the artistic black hole that is my bedroom, I've also found that the eight hour difference between all my friends and I makes my evenings my only time to catch up with people. Thus making it very hard for me to pull away from Skype to go draw sometimes. But perhaps I'm just making excuses for being lazy...

Anyhow, the highlight of my day was reading in a warm cafe while it rained and blustered outside. Curled up in a worn brown leather armchair I cracked the cover of Tropic of Cancer while I sipped scalding hot coffee. It was perfect.

Around 11pm this evening I messaged my room mate, "I want a cookie so badly it's ridiculous." She replied, "want to go on a walk with a mission?" So we headed out into the evening in search of late night sweets and returned home with two large bottles of cider and a delicious in-no-way-a-compromise cookie dough ice cream. Now, sugar high and slightly tipsy, I suppose I should settle in, shut off the computer, and get my homework done.


G'nite intarweb.

Enrolling!

Tomorrow at noon I enroll for classes and meet the other students in my program. I am ridiculously excited! Let's hope there are some like-minded people in my classes. Weeeee! School has never been a source of excitement like this before, so this is a new one for me. I think it's a good sign. :)

I had a really shitty day today full of problems coming up, things going wrong, and me losing something I really liked. And somehow the day just got progressively worse. But one of my room mates and I made dinner together, and once the other room mates joined us in the kitchen, I found that the social time made everything seem less terrible.

My flat mates are an interesting crew. We are such an odd mix of different people. Dinners could be potentially awkward if we don't find a good balance.

And now, it is midnight. I'm going to head to bed and try to get some beauty rest. Gotta look pretty for the enrollment people tomorrow, right?

G'nite world.

Meh.

Today has been a shitty day. So I have come home and will stay here until the bad day goes away.

However, in my doomed travels today, I did snap this photo:

"Um, no you're not......"