On Matters of the Heart and Hair

Open relationships ares a lot like hairstyles.

What you were born and raised with might not be what suits you best. Against the wishes of the people in charge, you cut or dye it. You change the colour and you change the shape. Sometimes it looks fantastic, and sometimes you have to wear a hat.

Perhaps you experiment a little too much and find you have destroyed you hair. And maybe you cut it all off so you can start fresh. But it is still your hair, and it grows back and looks plain but familiar. Only when it has reached a suitable length can you fiddle around with it again.

If you experiment enough, you will find the perfect red dye and the perfect bob. You'll change it slightly every now and then to keep it interesting, but you'll begin to define yourself by the new hairstyle. And slowly- very, very slowly- you find that the mousy brown you were born with is beginning to seem ill-suited to your personality.

There is a catch though. Once you've found the perfect colour and cut, you have upkeep to deal with. This look isn't what comes naturally to you. If you don't maintain the red dye and cute bob, the vibrancy fades, the haircut becomes shaggy, and it never seems to look good anymore. Red hair and fringe take a lot a maintenance.

I still don't think my hairstyle suits me. There are days when I want to rip my hair out, and bang my head against a wall. There are days when I have done exactly that. In fact most of this past week I have been doing that. But I am still in search of that elusive red dye, and that indefinably perfect hairstyle.

My hope is that when I find the look that suits me, I will gain confidence in knowing that it is all good, and it is all safe.

Blegh

For reasons I don't care to go into, today was a horrible day. There were moments when I thought I might explode. I gave myself my second stress-caused migraine-ish thing, and felt my head was going to pop.

But tomorrow will be better. I will make it be better.

Good night.