Body of Work

An artist I've recently become acquainted with has asked to see my work. I get this question a lot when I say that I am a designer, but it's a question I dread answering. I don't think that any of my design reflects my artistic sensibilities yet. In my meager body of work there are many failed experiments in "pushing myself" and "trying new things", but surprisingly little work that actually shows the sort of thing I really want to do.

I have posted a number of entries about various design projects I've done, and I don't think the collection of work, much less any single project reflects my aesthetics all that well. However, maybe you all see something I don't... So here I am going to collect my "Body of Work" via all the blog entries that contain photos of what I have spent the last few years doing:


I Need an Internship with a Shoe Designer
Ignore the text, and take a look at the photos at the bottom.

Visual Overview
Some repeat from the entry above, but some other photos as well

Making Shoes
Making some shoes!

The Spaces In Between
A photo heavy journal entry about a project I did at Saint Martins.

Thinking In Fabric
I did a lot of draping to get ideas for projects

 Some Old Work
A collection of crap I did in art school and fashion school before CSM

A Little Artistic Venture
A few photos my flatmate and I took when we both had time and wanted to start up a photography blog. Yes, I mostly just modeled, but I had a lot of input and put a lot of work into the final product as well.

Last Two Weeks
Again, the text is useless, but I loved this retro-future I created in my sketchbook. This page on propaganda and conservative politics felt so cinematic to me....

Hair Fabric
The text is useless, but I loved making this plastic hair creepy fabric, even though we ended up not being able to use it.


That's all for now, folks.

Some Old Work

I was digging through some folders on my computer this evening and came across some old art and fashion work. I thought I might share...

I'm not saying this is the cream of the crop you understand, but I thought it was interesting looking back at some  pre-Saint Martins, pre-shoemaking stuff. A lot of these were very assignment-specific, and I remember hating how restricted I felt in my design. What I'm trying to say is that my aesthetics, if even present, are hidden rather deeply in some of these. There are a mix of sketches, gesture drawings, illustrator things, and some cheesy photo shop manipulations we had to learn to do. Blah blah blah, enough disclaimers!

Anyhow please feel free to comment!

Fashion?

Fashion disgusts me right now.

The whole CSM sketchbook process was so unnatural to me that I no longer care to even attempt it. But it seems the habit has set in and I've forgotten how to be inspired without first worrying about the sketchbook.

This was upsetting because I find myself intensely inspired by things these days, and unable to respond in a way other than fashion. And fashion, as I delicately mentioned above, disgusts me. But recently I've begun looking at small fashion designers and staring at their clothing, trying to work backwards to what their initial concept might have been. It began to bother me that I couldn't imagine how I'd defend those designs to my past tutors. Then one day I stopped and said, "what the hell am I doing that for?" And that's when I realized I don't need a damn sketchbook full of research to explain my ideas to anyone anymore. Don't get me wrong, research is important but in fashion no one cares HOW you got there as long as the place you arrived is good.

Forget all my sketchbooks and research and all the time I wasted trying to explain what was perfectly clear to me to tutors that didn't understand the basics of social etiquette much less style and fashion. Forget all this "challenging myself to start from difficult and complex subjects". I should stop making it so hard on myself and just start sketching.

I want to design what I want to design. It's as simple as that.

Celebrate

I find myself at home with a sudden head cold (no, it's not swine flu, for the last god damn time people!) and sitting in bed with little to do but drink tea and bemoan the fact that I'm not out celebrating right now.

So what do I have to celebrate, you ask?

Today my flatmate and I learned that our application for a flat in Hoxton was accepted! And not only that, but we both decided that we hated the student dorms so much that we opted to move out sooner than we originally planned. Instead of September 5th we are now moving in to our new place on August 10th. Yes, I am mere days away from a double bed, a bath tub, a real kitchen, and a living room. Can you believe it? I still don't. I am still skeptical, and sure that something will go wrong. It is too good to be true.

I've lived in a lot of different apartments, but I have always rented a room in someone else's flat. It didn't seem right to leave my stuff in the rest of the house, interrupting their routines and habits. But now? Now I can create my own living habits and my stuff can be anywhere! I can do logical things like make a place for my DVDs in the living room! I can leave my sketchbook and paints on the table without fear of being in someone's way. This is huge for me, you see. I finally get to occupy the space I have and make it my own.

Secondly, and in some ways more importantly, I would like to formally announce that I have decided to leave Central Saint Martins School of Shit and Bollocks.

This, I believe, warrants a drink. A toast, even. Raise your glasses if you will to the end of an era and beginning of another, far better one.

When I found out that Evil Tutor failed my latex project (despite telling me it was good all the way through the process) I made up my mind that I would not be returning to that awful sham they call a university, regardless of whether they wanted me to repeat 1st year or move on to 2nd year.

Words cannot describe how incredibly happy I am to be free of that place.

For the first time in years I feel inspired, eager to learn. Eager to make my own way, to go out into the world and absorb information. I want to do everything, create everything, experience everything. I feel free. I have no solid plan, just a good solid feel for the direction I want to head in. And that is liberating.

Of course I can't deny that CSM is a good name to have on your degree. Those three letters will open a lot of doors for a designer. Though, point of interest, I have come to realize that it will also close doors.

In making the decision to leave the school, I came across an interesting phenomenon in the design world. Being able to say "I graduated from St Martins" is great, but there is a certain respect I get when I say that I studied at St Martins only to realize that the reputation wasn't justified, and chose to leave. Funny, that.

In case I haven't made it painfully clear, this is not a school that will teach you anything, least of all actual, technical skills. Now I know that we all love the idea of simply drawing out a pretty sketch and handing it to someone else to make, but frankly that is bullshit. You need to follow through. True artists of any kind need to understand their materials, their craft, their process.... and often those things will inform and change their design. Half the stress/fun is in the process of trying to make one of your designs and seeing how it changes and becomes better.

The reason I got my internship with my awesome design mentor is not because I went to CSM, but because I studied at a technical fashion school and have a background in theatre and performance. I even said in my initial letter to her that "despite hailing from St Martins, I have not yet had my love for design or theatricality beaten out of me." She knew exactly what I meant.

My point is simply that there is something to be said for knowing how to make things. Any things. Whatever sort of things you want to make. And if you want to learn to make things, then St Martins is not the place to be.


So raise one more glass to the end of St Martins. And give Evil Tutor the finger for me, will you?

In the meantime I am looking into community college classes while I consider other universities. And should I decide to attend another uni, I have decided that the classes I take will not be in fashion.

I need a break.

But I also have a good solid foundation in fashion now, and it's time to start expanding outwards. In order to do this I am devoting four or five days a week to my internship to learn as much as possible from the designers I work for. And when I begin taking classes again, I want to learn to work with other materials so I can incorporate them into my designs- plastic, wood, metal, etc. I want to work in anything besides fabric and learn anything except fashion.

More shoe making and design courses are already queued up (more on that later), and from these classes I have also developed a rather subversive plan regarding my future shoe designs. See, a friend of mine at CSM asked if I was planning on continuing to learn how to make shoes, and if so, would I design and make the shoes for her final show at St Martins. I of course said yes! See, this way I get to have my final 3rd year show at St Martins by putting my shoes in the show, right under the nose of Evil Tutor and all those other fuckers who told me I was shit. BWAHAHAHAHA <---evil laughter and mustache stroking

Hell, if you've managed to read this far I think you deserve one more drink. Raise your glass one more time to the closing of a miserable year at an all-consuming, pretentious, and useless school, and the end of a year living in a moldy, tiny, uncomfortable dorm room.


Cheers.

Quick Thoughts

I am drunk and sleepy, but before I crawl into bed I just wanted to share two quick thoughts that popped into my head after a fabulous evening with Warren Ellis (who is fast becoming my favorite drinking partner) at the BLDGBLOG book launch.

Today I realized that as a so-called fashion designer I am faced with the same questions that designers in other disciplines are. I simply respond through a different medium, a softer medium. Although "fashion" in its typical form is something even *I* look down on, I think it can be useful in that discourse. Perhaps it can be one part of discovering unique answers to the questions posed by our ever developing future-thinking culture.

G'nite.

The Next Year

So let's just say that I decide to take a break from fashion design, and give myself a year to sort things out. I've been giving it some thought lately, and I've decided to start compiling a list of things which, if money was not an issue (though in reality of course it is), I would like to spend the next year doing.

First and foremost I want to TRAVEL. That is the one thing that never fails to come up in conversation with friends or family lately. I have an unbearable urge to run away and I think I should indulge it. I want to see the world, change my context, put myself in new situations and see if I can't narrow down a little of what I want out of life.

And while I am traveling I want to write. This blog is no example of eloquent literary scrawlings, but I CAN in fact write when I put my mind to it. I love writing. I love taking in the world and spitting it back out in a new way. But what would I write about? I am not well-traveled and so I cannot comment on traveling itself. I could write about fashion, but there are so many fashion blogs and fashion writers out there that it's almost moot to mention fashion at all these days. So what in the world would I write about? I am not going to write the next Eat Pray Love, although I would love to.... hm, I would love to.

Now traveling is great and all, but it is not cheap. The biggest hurdle with that is figuring out how to fund my exploring. Hmmmmm.


Second, I would like to start a design line. Nothing huge. Something small and very, very Me. I want to find my work being talked about on those design blogs that I read. I want to have small orders from little boutiques. I just want to love what I do and make beautiful things. In order to do this I need a studio space. Some time to myself. And a seamstress. I HATE sewing. And honestly I am not very good at it. I can design and cut patterns until I am blue in the face, but I need to hire a seamstress to see the work through. Laugh if you will, but I know my limits.

So, how do I find and fund a small studio space and a sample maker?

Third, photography. I want to invest in a good beginner-level digital SLR camera and start really indulging in my photography. I've found a real love for it over the last few months and want to develop a style. I think it would be useful in many many ways later in life.

And lastly, shoes. I am taking a footwear intensive next month and that will be my first taste of making shoes. I have a feeling that I will like it. A lot. In all modesty I would be AMAZING at shoe design. Shoes are the one thing I obsess about and have strong opinions about. If I know nothing else, I KNOW shoes. I would be the next Fluevog... only sexier. I want to start my own line of shoes and sell them.

And frankly, I know NOTHING about how to start that, so I won't even speculate about the steps involved.


So. How do I make these things happen?

The Truth of It

Last term my boyfriend and I tried to open our relationship to other people. It was my suggestion, and he agreed because we both hoped it might make the distance and loneliness a little softer. Long story short, it was a short-lived disaster that nearly ended the relationship. It became a source of heartache and incredible anger. It amplified the loneliness instead of softening it.

When we agreed to close the relationship, it was because we remembered that the drive behind this venture was love; was wanting to make sure the other person was happy and taken care of, even if it was someone else who was giving them that happiness for the time being. We opted to try an open relationship because we thought it would make loneliness of the long distance relationship easier to bear. And when it seemed that it was in fact making the loneliness even less tolerable, the answer became clear. Choosing to end the experiment was simple because we remembered why we began it in the first place.



So why am I in London?

I am in London because I wanted to be my own person. I am in London because I wanted to grow and change and evolve into the woman I want to be, instead of shuffling down the more comfortable path I was on. I came to London because I wanted to grow a spine. I wanted to stand on my own two feet. I wanted to make something of myself and come back to the US with an honest understanding of who I am and what I am made of. I wanted to have grounding in myself, trust in myself, and maybe a tiny bit of confidence, however small. I came to London because I needed something bigger, something more than San Francisco in order to do all of this. I needed to see what life was like without the safety net.

None of that has anything to do with the university that is going to kick me out.

I finally remembered that CSM was not my reason for coming to London. It was the means of getting me here.

I forgot that somewhere along the way. Like the open relationship experiment, I had to remember why I began this venture in the first place. I had to realize that this trip was never about becoming the next McQueen or Galliano. It was about becoming more of myself. The hope was that the challenges presented by CSM would facilitate that, but perhaps CSM is a small and insignificant test of my will when you really think about it.

There is so much more to fashion, to London, to England, to Europe, to the world, to my own story than CSM and the year I spent struggling to please people who could never be pleased. There is so much more to life than this. And I spent this weekend remembering that.

Looking back on this last year I can begin to see that Central St Martins was never the reason I came to London. It was the catalyst that allowed me to begin my own life. It was the carrot I dangled in front of my own nose so that I would continue walking ahead.

Of course with the carrot unfairly snatched away from me, I am hysterically running in circles in blind panic. "What do I do now? What do I do now? What do I do now? The carrot is gone, I have nothing to live for."

I am slowly beginning to see that I need to stop spinning and look at the race I am running. The carrot got me here, but "here" is what was truly important.

The truth of it all is that I came to London to learn. Not to learn to sew and not to learn how to make pretty sketchbooks. The truth of it is that I came to London to learn about life and who I am. And frankly CSM was keeping me from that. I moved half way around the planet to be here and face myself. To face my weaknesses and grow stronger. To face my insecurities and learn to stand solidly in the space I occupy in this world. To face my strengths and learn how to use them.

The decision to stay in Europe and seek out life despite CSM is an easy one to make when I remember the reasons I began this adventure in the first place. The truth of it is that I came here to face myself, change myself, and hopefully become myself.

On Tutors, Bullshit, Mixed Messages, and Failure

Remember how the Dean told me I had to pass all my projects in order to even have a chance of moving on to 2nd year? Let me give you a few highlights from my project hand-in and final crit yesterday:

"You don't have any understanding of how to design, or create a sketchbook."


"You didn't do enough work, that much is clear."


Tutors: "If you were going to design a dress, I want to see all your research into dresses."
Me: "But that has nothing to do with my theme. And every time I've put that sort of research into a sketchbook, I have been told to take it out because it doesn't apply to my actual inspiration."
Tutors: "You misunderstood. If you're going to design something with pockets, I want to see that you have researched hundreds of pocket shapes. I mean look at this page. You looked into some pockets and sketched them. But your sketches aren't to the exact proportions that the photos are. Why didn't you take a moment and draw exactly what you saw?"


Tutors: "Your designs are too simple and boring."
Me: "I am sorry to argue with you, but the last time we met you told me that my design ideas were too experimental and that I needed to think about whether or not it could be sold in a shop. So I went VERY simple and focused on fabric design."
Tutors: "Yes, but now it doesn't make sense because your designs are too simple and mean nothing."
Me: "You understand why I am confused then, because my understanding was that you wanted me to stay very clean and simple even though I was working from a Dada collage artist. When I went experimental like I did here and here and here you told me no one would actually wear that."
Tutors: "Those three pages are just useless exercises in illustration, not actual designing."
Me: "I didn't think so. I was completely serious about making that into clothing until you told me not to."
Tutors: "Well, you obviously don't understand any of this then."


Tutors:" You don't have enough research or design development"
Me:" I'm confused. You told me that I had enough research and enough fabric samples to design last time we met. And the project requirements were 20 rough designs, and I did 75."
Tutors: "I told you that because you were too far behind to continue doing research. And your designs are, well.... you clearly have no understanding of how to develop an idea into designs."


Tutors: "So you did 75 design roughs. But did you really think about what each of these garments would be? I mean, look at this sketch here. Is it a tshirt? a dress? How do you get into it? What is it?"
Me: "Perhaps I misunderstood- I thought that the point of design development is to rough out ideas until you come upon something you like enough to develop further and finalize. At the time I was sketching that shirt, I was just thinking through an idea that I didn't end up using."
Tutors: "Yes, these are rough designs. But you're not answering the question your research poses by simply sketching out roughs. You need to think every detail through every time you design something. These sketches mean nothing."
Me: "So in future, when I design rough designs, I should leave them out of the sketchbook until they are finalized enough to be actual garments"
Tutors: "No, that's the point of a sketchbook, to show how to develop your ideas."
Me: ".....um??"


They proceeded to tell me in every which way that my work was awful and worthless and that I know nothing about art or design.

Ouch.

And so it ends. All I can do is phone it in for the next few weeks while I wait for the letter from the school that says I am no longer wanted as a student at CSM.

(Oh, here. I tried something new with my illustrations, since I was inspired by Dada collage artist Hannah Hoch. I should have been more rough, less lines, more color and media. But it was 4am and I was too tired to think and be creative...)

So Bad, So Good

The Bad: Today I blew up at some of my friends for trying to help me in ways that weren't helpful. I felt so bad afterward, and made it all better. No hard feelings.

The Good: Designer Mentor girl asked me to style a photo shoot in her stead with one of my favorite photographers next month while she's away on business.

Love + Distance + Confusion = Shitty Shitty Situations

The boy and I are both ridiculously busy and so I am not going to get to see him this term.

After term ends I need to stay in London for a while because I have to see what happens with moving on to 2nd year and my potential internship and all that stuff. I don't think the school will tell me about my position there until late June or early July, and I believe I have to be present at a meeting at that time.

Whatever the outcome of that meeting, I have to then sit down and decide what I'm going to do next. Here is where the situation gets shitty. If school does in fact want me gone, then I have to make my own way in the fashion world. At some point I would like to go back to San Francisco, but I think that when I am starting out it would be wise to stay in London where there are far more opportunities to do that.

But that means that I am now choosing my career over my boyfriend. And I can no longer point to school and say, "I have to stay here because of that." If I have to leave school then I must make the decision every single day to stay in London and not be with my boyfriend, because there won't be anything but my own choices keeping me away from him. And that's a shitty thing to have to deal with.

Every single time I have to decide something about my life in London, I am going to be having to decide between whatever my options are here, and my boyfriend. Good opportunities will feel like heartbreak. And how shitty would it be to feel that all the good things that happen to me are bad for my relationship?

My boyfriend thinks I should stay here and sort things out. But he is a much stronger person I am. He can't move here with me, and so I have to choose to be here alone but focused on my future, or with him in San Francisco. If I want to be in fashion and make my own way, I need to be somewhere where I can get opportunities. And there are far more of those available to me here in London.

On the other hand, maybe staying here is just plain stupid. Maybe it's just my ego talking. Maybe it's simply that I don't want to go home and admit defeat by CSM. Maybe I should just give this up and go back to SF. But if I did that, I probably wouldn't ever have the sort of chances I'd have here. And I don't know if I would ever forgive myself for giving up so fast.

Fuck, this is so confusing.

Oops

Right so apparently I managed to give the designer I want to intern with an incorrect phone number. The past two days I was in a state, sure that she took a look at my work and ran the other way, but in fact she had been trying to call me.

She just emailed me to ask if my phone had been turned off, and told me she'd like me to come in on Monday.

I spoke with her on the phone just now and we scheduled a time for me to come in and meet not only her, but the latex designer she shares a studio space with. Oddly enough, I found this latex designer on another website and she contacted me about modeling for her. Small world.

So on Monday, I'm going to hop on a bus and head up to a fashion studio in Bow and meet two fabulous designers and see about interning for one or both of them.

Could be worse. ;)

Good News

In a moment of "I don't give a fuck" last night I shot out an email to a new up and coming designer in London whose style is VERY much in line with what I want to do with my own work. She is theatrical, sexual, unusual, and innovative. I basically said, "look, I don't have a fantastic portfolio to show you and I don't have a ton of work experience yet, but I think your work is amazing and I would like to work for you. Here's a bit about how I approach design. blah blah blah." I figured I had nothing to lose, right?

To my surprise, she wrote me back this morning. I couldn't believe it! I read the email three times to make sure I understood what she was saying. She said she liked my email, liked that I was ballsy enough to write to her that way. She asked me a bit about my education, asked if I ever studied fine art (I have), or if I've ever focused on the technical side of design (I have). She also expressed interest in working in latex, which I have also done. She said she would like to bring me in for a test run and see if she could use me. It would be an unpaid internship for the time being, but she said that she has brought a couple of her unpaid interns back and hired them.

So.

Things might be turning around.
I'm feelings hopeful. I'm actually smiling for the first time in weeks.

A Visual Overview

I have a portfolio due on Wednesday, and so I've had to suck it up and take photos of all the work I've been dreading looking at. Going back over my work I can see now how poor the quality of work really is, but I can't quite figure out how to make it better. I can see why I failed. And failed. And failed. And failed. I found that staring at my work en mass was incredibly depressing and as a result I have barely done any work on my portfolio. I still don't know what the hell I'm going to put in there.

But I have had to take a few photos of my garments. Since I have them, I might as well share. More are forthcoming.


The Shirt Project: I chose to design with Vivienne Westwood in mind, drawing inspiration from the 90's attitude of apathy, and layered look of eastern European nomadic tribes.

The White Project: We could use only white felt or cotton to make our garment. While I HATED the other two pieces I made, the amount of time and effort I put into delicately shredding and hand-gathering this felt top stopped me from throwing it out like the rest of the project. Pared with black leggings, a pretty blonde, and a brick wall, it doesn't look too bad, I suppose.







The Accessory Project: The goal of this project was to try our hands at various printing techniques. I tried as many as I could at the time, but opted for a simple, elegant velvet devore of two bird wings.





The Retrieval Project: This was the "Congratulations you failed!" project that I was forced to do at the same time as all my other work last term. As a result of the time pressure, the garment was thrown together in one day, and has nothing fancy or insane on it. Except for the fact that the red sleeves are in fact long enough to touch the ground. It was inspired by deep sea creatures and by the vintage diving helmets.





The Metamorphosis Project: This was the team project that went to hell. I ADORED working with my team mate. She and I want to work together again. We started our project by sketching things at the Darwin exhibition, and focused on the ideas evolution, natural selection, and protection. We ended up designing two clashing prints- hers was a blocky, graphic print in two tones that felt like a tribal print of muscle fibers and cells. Mine was a print of black hair on a skin-toned fabric used to cover an exoskeleton that was to be worn over her muscle dress. It wasn't meant to be beautiful or wearable, just interesting and conceptual.
(Please pardon the shitty photo, we had to take it indoors in a poorly lit hallway due to rain.)




Ok, that's it for now.

Heh

"Sometimes I look at you, and all the work you do, and how stressed you are, and I am so glad I decided NOT to go into fashion design."

That is what one of my flat mates said to me this morning.

A Smattering of Thoughts Today

Random thoughts running through my head today:

*I would very much like to design legs for Aimee Mullins.

*I would like to take a few short courses at CSM over the summer:
-life casting
-painting the nude
-experimental glass working
-experimental jewelery
-laser cutting for fashion
-knitwear (creating your own insane knits)
-couture tailoring
-starting a fashion business
-embroidery
-art criticism
-art and politics: from Dada to Deller

*I am going home on Monday! And while at home I will be doing a drag queen photo shoot!

*I am aching to get into latex modeling, but I'm not sure how to make contacts over here in London. Any ideas?

*I am considering opening my own Etsy shop, and starting to sell my prints and simple garments, just so I don't starve near the end of each month.

*I found the mother of all latex stores by accident while searching for a candy store yesterday. I want to work there. I want to wear EVERYTHING in there. I want to design clothes for the store. I want to model for the company. I want to be a part of that world. My friend went in with me, and after spending an hour in there chatting with the drag queen salesmen, selling a catsuit to a man in a suit, and buying myself a FABULOUS latex hood my friend turned to me and said, "wow, I've never seen you so in your element. Holy shit, that was amazing. It was like you suddenly turned on the fabulous."

*sigh*
I want to make things and create things and collaborate with artists and other designers. I want to be inspired.

Fashion Week

I found myself at the Josh Goot show this morning dressed in a fur and high heels. Yes, this lowly little student was lucky enough to attend a small part of London Fashion Week. And it was amazing.

Watching the attendees enter in their designer footwear would have been enough to make any girl swoon. People everywhere with lights, cameras, amazing clothes... being around the energy and style of fashion week was inspiring, even if I was only there for an hour. It just felt right to me. It felt a little out of my grasp, a little too fabulous for me. But I also felt like I was supposed to be there- it felt somehow natural.

Goot's collection was minimal but beautiful. I loved his asymmetrical color blocking and choice of black and nude as his main colors. His prints were colorful, and the fabric moved like liquid over the body. The wasitlines were a little high for my taste on many of his skirt/shirt combos, but his trousers, suits, and dresses were lovely. From where I was standing I could really get a good look at the construction of the garments, and the fabric treatments he used. That was the most fascinating thing, speaking as a fashion student.

He came out and waved to the audience rather sheepishly after the models' last walk, and on his way back, scanned the small crowd and smiled. I think he was pleased. I didn't know Goot's work before today, but he has made a fan out of me (even if it is a skinny girl collection).

So, I have to say that I had what could quite literally be called a FABULOUS MORNING. And on an egotistical note, I feel I must mention that to my surprise I was photographed quite lot this morning. First by a few small London based publications, and then by Vogue. So pick up the London Paper tomorrow morning, and check vogue.co.uk and you might see a certain American girl in London.

Fabric Experiments, Team Project

Today I successfully killed a few brain cells by melting clear PVC in layers to create fabric I can work with. I layered fake hair between the PVC and found a way to cause the plastic to ripple with the heat. My bedroom smells awful right now, though. (Or so I'm told, as I am still very sick and cannot smell a thing.)

OK, before you tell me it looks like pubic hair underwater, let me tell you that the photo isn't doing it justice. In person it's incredibly cool. It is both revolting and enticing when you touch it, which is exactly the look I'm going for....




My fabulous Hair Dress idea has been set aside for another time, and the project has changed into something even more ridiculous and amazing. I don't want to say anything in case it goes horribly wrong, but tomorrow's shopping list includes: heavy duty pliers, wire clippers, protective eye goggles, lab coat, and fake hair.

The project is going to be more modern art than fashion. My team mate and I are both big idea girls, and we tend to aim far too high for our own good. But if we can pull this off, it will be epic.

London Fashion Week

Guess who is skipping out of class for one day next week and attending.....LONDON FASHION WEEK? WOO! One of my friends happens to know one of the designers showing, and she gave us two passes to come see her show!

I've never been to a proper fashion show.

I have to look FABULOUS for the show... time to break out that fur coat.

Empty

The flat is empty.

Tumbleweeds are rolling down my windy hallway.

A lone banjo plays a few dramatic notes. (Actually, it's Gary Numan you're hearing, but let's just pretend shall we?)

I draw my... well, I'm trying to draw a new collection actually. Utterly lost in the feverish haze I've been stuck in the last two days. But I propped up on good strong drugs, and hoping that when my flatmates return they will come bearing Ben and Jerry's. Healthy? No. Tasty? Oh my yes.

When I leave my room, and Mr Numan's musical repertoire can no longer be heard, the only sound breaking the complete silence is my oh-so-sexy coughing and hacking. *snifl *kaffkaff *groan

I am considering making a dress out of hair. Not in a creepy way, so much as a Hedwig/fabulous way. But much bigger. And couture-ish. I am not sure if this is an unwise and incredibly difficult route to go down. So I might reconsider, given my time restraints. But how fabulous would it be to have a hairstyle that becomes your dress? I know a few drag queens back in SF who would give their left fake breast to have something like that. And if I made matching shoes... They'd have to cross their legs and stay seated for a while. (Oh and I am actually working a way to incorporate magnificent fake lashes into the dress too. Down boy. Down.)

Still no news on the marks for the Westwood-ish shirt. We are all very irritated about the two week wait. Nothing to calm a stressed student down like having no idea how they are doing on their work, eh?

Now, back to work. Will keep you posted on all fronts.

I Might Be a Zombie, But At Least I'm Not at the Bottom Anymore

I am exhausted.

Short of a 1.5 hour rest around 6am this morning, I have been up for over 36 hours now. Why? Because today we presented our Shirt Projects, and I, intelligently, chose to do something complicated.

Last night I slept 1.5 hours. The night before, 3 hours. The night before, 5 hours. And never more than 6 hours any night the week previous. I am tired. Tired. Exhausted. Drained. Overworked. Beat. Bleary. Spent. Zombified.

However I am going to say that I can safely assume I did not fail this project. I have been working so hard- I can't even explain to you what my days have been like. I used to work pretty hard on my homework at my last school, but in these last two weeks I have changed what my definition of "hard work" is. I have never been this busy before, and I have never accomplished so much in such a short time.

Based on the class response (and tutor response during the critique today) I have jumped from the worst student in class to designing one of the more interesting shirts turned in this project. I am very proud of myself just now. I blushed a lot in class because everyone wanted to try on my design. But I was so flattered and pleased. Not only did I help five or six other students with their pattern drafting and sewing, I finished my shirt, my illustrations, my research and sketchbook, and made packaging that the shirt would be sold in, if it were in a shop.

The assignment was to design as though you worked for a specific designer, and I chose to give Vivienne Westwood a go. I mixed prints for the first time in my life on this shirt. My shirt is both very Westwood-y, and very... well, I was going to say "it is very Me", but that's not entirely true. I stretched myself and tried something very different this time around. I will post some real photos soon, but for now, I've just posted a close up of my double collar.

I am so tired I must lay down. I can barely stand. The other day, I fell asleep standing in the shower. So sad. Now I'm going to eat crap food and watch crap movies and then sleep all night and all morning. It will be amazing.