Computer Says No *kaff

Pleaser was silent for the last few days so I checked in to make sure they received the designs. They did, and they "weren't sold". So, that's that. I was feeling pretty confident about being able to design for them. Oh well. Good thing I didn't send anything like the stuff I usually design- they might have had a panic attack!

On the bright side, I can now share the three designs I sent them!

I didn't do anything wildly original because, well, Pleaser is Pleaser, and they have their look- I didn't want to challenge them too much. Perhaps playing it safe was a mistake? They asked me to design three styles that fit into their current lines, and send hand sketches along with a proper design. I wasn't sure what that meant, so I just did something simple. I'm aware that I'm not the best artist (to say the least), but I get the point across I think...

(Of the three I sent, two of them used standard, unchanged Pleaser shapes, so I didn't make up random measurements for those. Just FYI.)

Pleaser

The other day I was hunting for shoe design jobs, a disappointing experience which confirmed my fears that there are very few to be had in California. I happened across a listing for two entry-level design jobs at Pleaser shoes. Despite not having as much experience as they wanted, I could totally do the job. The only catch? I’d have to move to Anaheim, CA to do it. So I passed it by and moped about it for a few days.

But I kept thinking about it, and on a whim last night, I sent a rather ballsy email to Pleaser, asking if I could be a contract designer for them. I mentioned that I am a part of the alternative lifestyle and studied in London. I made it a point to mention that even though I’m new to the field, I see them trying to expand their brand and know I could help them do that. 

I never thought I’d hear back and almost regretted sending the email.

But to my surprise this evening I received a response! They’ve asked me to design 3 shoes for specific lines in their brand and to send those along. Essentially, I have an audition! 

Oh shit! Now I actually have to walk the walk I was talking the talk about. AIEEEEE! 

On Being A Girl Who Loves Shoes

As I tucked my new suede heels into their little box this morning a thought occurred to me- I am being defined by my obsession with shoes. People see ridiculous footwear and immediately think of me. While this doesn't bother me one bit (keep 'em coming!), I wonder if my choice of profession has finally defined me as the thing I dread most: "A Girl".

Being called "a girl" isn't something I've ever taken pride in. I never wanted to be grouped in with other girls as a child, and most of my best friends were boys (who I suspect turned out to be gay, in the end). As I've gotten older, I've begun to both embrace and loathe all the trappings of being female. I love a night with boys eating steak, gawking at girls, and playing video games. I am not squeamish about blood or real life gore, yet scary and violent movies make me hide my eyes like a child. I freely admit that I am a sex fiend who likes offensive humour and reads comics. I wear my scars with pride, but worry that I always look a little tired and a little chubby. One day I might be working with the table saw and the next I might be trying on latex clothing, obsessing over shoes and expensive lingerie, or hunting for a new eye shadow. As a liberated female who proudly calls herself a slut and doesn't abide by standard rules for feminine looks or behaviour, why do I feel like less of a person for being a girl obsessed with designing shoes?

Does a huge shoe collection mean I should be taken less seriously as a person? Does it mean my head is empty of any real thoughts? I worry that is the impression people will have of me as I approach Imelda Marcos levels of shoe ownership.

In my own defense, I am not sitting around drawing strappy "sexy" stiletto heels. I hate that shit. The sorts of things I design have weight to them. I want to work in unusual metals, wood, plastics, and rubber as well as the traditional leathers. Making shoes by hand involves a lot of industrial machines, hammering, toxic glues, and decidedly ungirly tools.

Now, having said that, why do I feel I need to "defend" myself against being considered a girl? Do *I* think girls that are obsessed with shoes should be taken less seriously?Do I see people who like fashion and makeup as empty-headed fleshlights on legs? Am I a female chauvinist pig who thinks that I gain power and sexual desirability by being one of the boys? (Which in turn means that this is all about showing off to get a boy's attention- something decidedly girly.) Perhaps I am the feminist's worst nightmare.

I truly believe that the whole point of feminism is that a woman can be however she wants to be, yet here I am judging myself for having feminine traits and interests such as shoes.

I have no answers yet, just lots of thoughts.

25 pt 2- a shoe-filled happy day!

My 25th birthday was awesome! The only thing that could have made it even better would be having my boyfriend here with me.


As I walked home through the park, carrying a berry tart and a bag full of goodies I thought back to my birthday one year ago. I was turning 24 and spending my birthday alone. I didn't really know anyone, had just left Saint Martins and I was feeling pretty shaken up. And now at 25 I spent the day surrounded by some of my favourite people, feasting on tea and cake, and trying on shoes I could never afford with my favourite redhead!

The day began a bit badly when my birthday high heels were delivered and I found to my dismay that they'd sent the wrong size. Having planned to meet said Favourite Redhead at Liberty for tea and cake I suggested we meet outside Selfridges, so I could return the shoes I'd ordered.

I've always been afraid of big fancy department stores like Selfridges, but today I found it really fun to go in and browse. I returned the shoes and instead bought the ones I REALLY wanted in the right size. And because it was my birthday I  let myself go try on ridiculously high shoes and prance around the store for a while...

 

Then, to make sure the day was FULL of shoes, we visited the Vivienne Westwood shoe exhibit in the basement of the store. And Oh. My. God. SO inspiring! SO brilliant! If you are in London, and love the glorious Miss Westwood, go take a look at the mini-exhibition. It's worth your time, trust me!

Feeling a bit like a tourist with my American accent and big ol' yellow Selfridges bag, we made our way to Liberty- another store I've been scared of- for fancy tea and cake. We ate so much cake we both had an insane sugar high followed by an immediate food coma. But the coma was offset by the best birthday gift ever.... a miniature red silk fez, custom made just for me! It is made to sit on the left side of my head at a jaunty angle. I LOVE IT! It makes me go SQUEEEEEE every time I think about it!

After tea we wandered upstairs to the shoe department just for a looksee (because, yaknow, we hadn't seen enough footwear for one day) before heading out into the Carnaby street crowd. We passed Irregular Choice's new store and spotted a pair of boots in the window that I'd been curious about. So I figured, it being my birthday and all...... and the boots looked SO good and fit SO comfortably that I have decided to get them as soon as I can afford them. They are space girl rockstar boots!

Then it was time to head back to East London where my coworkers (have I mentioned my new job yet?) were having a September Birthday Do, as 4 of the 5 of us have September birthdays. I'd invited a few friends and took my shoes, my fez, and my girl with me to the bar. We were greeted with hugs and an open bar tab, and a huge red fruity tart just for me! :) How did they know I prefer fruity things to cake?

Friends turned up, drinks were had, chatting seemed to be going well when my boss suddenly pulls out his phone to show me a photo. "Lady Gray," he says (he calls me that in the office to distinguish between myself and the other Rachel),  "what is your opinion of these shoes?" He shows me a pair of United Nude heels that I have seen before and liked. Knowing United Nude is having a sample sale at Truman Brewery (get down there, people!) and knowing he's been looking for a pair for his Rachel, I gave them a thumbs up. Then he said, "well if you like them, they are yours! I found them in a size 41, and Rachel said you'd like them and I thought they might be your style, so...." My boss bought me shoes! SQUEEEEEEEE! 

 

The evening ended and I was full of gin and tonics, covered in birthday kisses and hugs, carrying cakes, shoes, a graphic novel my friend illustrated, and a fez made just for me all the way home.

It was a very good day.

No Rest for the Wicked

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Coco de Ohshit!

This evening my favourite redhead and I went to see Sam Roddick, creator of the amazing store Coco de Mer, speak on sexuality. And after this inspiring, enlightening talk, I somehow managed to worm my way into asking if I might design a range of shoes for Coco de Mer. Why? Because I felt ballsy at that moment, and I know I could do it. To my surprise she was interested and gave me the contact information of her head of design development.


Oh shit. Oh shit oh shit oh shit oh shit! What did I just do??? Ok, I need to source some makers and materials, stat! At least I know I can aim high for quality when it comes to price point because CcdM is not a cheap store. I need to have a small line of designs with some projected costing ready to show her, and it needs to be soon.
Why do I do this to myself? Because I need deadlines and a fire under my ass to do anything.

Christ on crutches, I need to enlist all my contacts to pull this off. But it’s worth it because how fucking incredible would it be to release my first line of shoes at Coco de Mer?

I have a LOT of questions to ask my design internship mentor guy now… oh shit.
Oh shit.

I Don't Know How I Do It, But...

There are very few books on shoemaking and pattern cutting for shoes. It's a dying art, as most shoes are designed by someone with no knowledge of production, and handed to someone else to make. But I feel I need a more in-depth understanding of shoes, and I also really enjoy the process of making them.

I have found one book that has been immensely helpful. Of course it is also immensely expensive. So I did some price shopping around the intarwebs, and I found that I could order the book directly from the publisher for half the price. I email them, requesting an order form, and not ten minutes later I get an email from the author of the book! It seems he works for this publishing company as well! He invoiced me and said he could send the book this morning!

But that's not the really interesting part. That's just the lead up. So, of course I sign all professional-ish emails with my phone number. I hate getting phone calls, but when it comes to my design work, I want people to contact me! But no one ever does. So you can imagine my surprise when at noon I receive a phone call from the author, letting me know he mailed my book. He asked if I was a student and we get to chatting. He is a lovely chap. It turns out he used to teach at Cordwainers (back when it was a good school) and has been in bespoke shoemaking for over 45 years! We talked about schools and how hard it is to find a real education in footwear. And then he did something amazing. He offered me two things- first, that I may email him with any technical questions I may have about shoemaking. Secondly, he said he teaches in the US and knows a lot of suppliers, shoemakers and other people he would happily put me in contact with.

HOW did that just happen? I order a book and somehow get a phone call from the author who offers me his shoemaking contacts in another country?? I think he sussed out that I wanted to do more than make Manolos and was happy to meet someone who appreciated the knowledge he has to share. But still... WHAT? HOW?

Needlefully

Another needley day- I patterned and sewed these boot mock-ups for my internship today. It was a quick job- just basic uppers and lining which we'll turn into shoes tomorrow. I would like to say that except for a few very visible parts where the leather didn't agree with the machine, it was refreshing to see that I CAN in fact sew pretty well when left to my own devices.

But yeah, I can't get away from needles it seems.

Project Update

Not much to say these days. Mostly I run around every day either sawing/gluing/ruining things, tying stuff up, sewing things, running errands, or meeting people about Kinky Salon London stuff...

This morning I met with my KSL co-head of decor and we worked out how to build a Barbarella-spaceship-inspired seating area. At the moment it's a big ol' mess as we try out everything from stacked pallets to high density polystyrene to staging, covered in foam, cut down to size, covered in monster fur. It's turning into quite a debacle, but I am determined to make it work. I might have found the perfect solution though- I just got some price quotes back from a company in Leicester and things might be looking up.

I've been taking an evening shoemaking course and although I'm using a last I hate, I decided to challenge myself and do some brogue-type lace ups. Currently I'm only as far as patterning and cutting the fabric and leather, but I'm kind of loving the Old Man Chic I'm working with. I've always had a thing for tweed and elbow patches, so I've sort of incorporated that aesthetic on my new shoes. Here's a sneak preview for anyone who is curious.


I've also been working at my internship most days doing everything BUT shoes. We're currently working on some furniture for an exhibition (which I obviously can't show you), and I've spent my days becoming reacquainted with every kind of finger-chopping saw in the workshop and making a fool of myself as I tie things up, glue stuff, break stuff, trip over stuff, and make a huge mess. That said, I'm having an amazing fucking time.


Now I just need to schedule in some sleep.

Where I'm Supposed To Be

My design mentor moved to a new studio, and I haven't been able to work with him for a number of weeks now. I was starting to worry that he was mentally doing design work and I was missing out on all the fun. What with my limited time left in London, any day spent not learning or working is a day wasted to me. So I've wasted three weeks sitting on my ass and moping.

Today was my first day back, and I feel high.

Not only is his new studio open, bright and shared with a few really cool designers, there is an onsite workshop full of power tools and saws and and and! I get so excited by workshops, I can't help it. It's a dream come true- this is exactly the sort of space I would want to have as a designer.

Although I spent the day doing menial tasks for no pay, I was finally reminded of why I'm leaving my retail job and choosing to be a broke intern instead. THIS is where I'm supposed to be- covered in sawdust, learning to shape and pour my own resin heel shapes, working on 3d modeling for rapid prototyping, playing with leather, latex, wood, rope, foam, plastic, and metal. I'm supposed to be engaging in creative discussions and brainstorming ideas with real designers, not selling strangers shoes and bags made by other people.

This is a good thing. Even if I have to make pouty faces at my friends to buy me dinner now and again. Leaving my retail position is a good decision. I am sure of it now.

At the Moment

My life looks something like this at the moment:

Two internships, one starting on Friday, one in a couple weeks I hope. One job I don't honestly have the time for, but need the money. Helping to organize an event (though I've been useless the past few days), and pulling together three complicated costumes for three different events. Meeting with my boss in a week and a half so we can figure out if I'm going to be starting a shoe design school in San Francisco and teaching there.

Ok, um I have got to fit the gym in here somehow. It's time to stop feeling so awful.

One Tiny Step for Me, Hopefully Leading Toward a Giant Leap for... uh, Me

Whilst sitting on my ass at my job, having finished all my tasks, cleaned the store, restocked all the shoes, and listening to classic Bowie, I found myself thinking about how much I despise retail. Even on the best of days, I think, "I have got to make something of myself so I never have to work retail or food service ever again."

Spurred by the fear of amounting to nothing, I decided to pursue my boss (aka the head of the shoe design school) about an idea we once discussed over coffee. See, this mini school of shoe design also occasionally holds classes over in San Francisco, and my boss and I once discussed me helping her set up a more permanent school over there (think Stitch Lounge, but for shoes). She also asked me once if I wanted to be a teacher (this was after only making one pair of shoes, mind you).

So, I emailed my boss today to say that if she still wanted to pursue that idea we should sit down and have a discussion about how best to use the last year I am here. Should I start attending classes and being a teacher's assistant so that I can learn how to run a class on my own?

A few minutes before I sent the email, I got a serendipitous text message from the shoe designer I will be interning with, asking if I wanted to start playing with ideas and design next week!

All signs point towards better things to come!


I feel good. I really want to make use of my remaining time in London. Although I'd like to do everything (go to all the shows, travel all over Europe, live in every part of the city, see every thing, hear every band), the truth of my life is that I need to focus and really use this time to help me get a head start in a field I just jumped into rather suddenly. This is the sort of knowledge I will only get here and now- all that other stuff can come later. I'd rather be busy learning and interning, stressed with all the work I have to do, than have all this free time, a part time retail job, and depression creeping in at the edges while I sit on my fattening ass wasting the time I have left in the UK.

Body of Work

An artist I've recently become acquainted with has asked to see my work. I get this question a lot when I say that I am a designer, but it's a question I dread answering. I don't think that any of my design reflects my artistic sensibilities yet. In my meager body of work there are many failed experiments in "pushing myself" and "trying new things", but surprisingly little work that actually shows the sort of thing I really want to do.

I have posted a number of entries about various design projects I've done, and I don't think the collection of work, much less any single project reflects my aesthetics all that well. However, maybe you all see something I don't... So here I am going to collect my "Body of Work" via all the blog entries that contain photos of what I have spent the last few years doing:


I Need an Internship with a Shoe Designer
Ignore the text, and take a look at the photos at the bottom.

Visual Overview
Some repeat from the entry above, but some other photos as well

Making Shoes
Making some shoes!

The Spaces In Between
A photo heavy journal entry about a project I did at Saint Martins.

Thinking In Fabric
I did a lot of draping to get ideas for projects

 Some Old Work
A collection of crap I did in art school and fashion school before CSM

A Little Artistic Venture
A few photos my flatmate and I took when we both had time and wanted to start up a photography blog. Yes, I mostly just modeled, but I had a lot of input and put a lot of work into the final product as well.

Last Two Weeks
Again, the text is useless, but I loved this retro-future I created in my sketchbook. This page on propaganda and conservative politics felt so cinematic to me....

Hair Fabric
The text is useless, but I loved making this plastic hair creepy fabric, even though we ended up not being able to use it.


That's all for now, folks.

Fashion Week Friday

I am home from the fashion show, and I have kicked off my incredibly high heels. A cuppa tea, some food to balance out all the wine I had.....It was a good night.

The catwalk shows were held in a subterranean bar that used to be a bath house. The walls had skeletal wallpaper, the corners were draped in red velvet, and the place was lit by candles in golden candelabras. FAB. U. LOUS!

The clothes were by designer James Hock, and some of the key pieces were really fun. (Sadly, I didn't get great photos)

The catwalk was preceded by a showing of the short shoe-film I helped make, and it was the first time I saw it put together. It was beautiful. I was proud to be involved. I met some cool people, made a new contact or two, and began discussing the next collection with the designer. Turns out he wants to start working on his next collection in a week or two and wants me involved from the very beginning!!! This means I'm going to learn some 3d work in Rhino, some mould-making techniques, some design, and then probably how to deal with getting prototypes made. This is EPIC! I can't wait!

What I wore to fashion week: Fluevog boots, Betsey Johnson dress, vintage fur jacket, and a fur hat given to me the day before by my favourite redhead. I went for that 6'5" Russian spy girl look...

Oh! I also realize I have never mentioned who it is I'm working with. His name is Eelko Moorer and the girl who made the stop-motion film of Eelko's work is Catherine Anyango who unfortunately doesn't seem to have a proper site up yet. Her work is incredible, and when I can get a copy of the film, I will post it here for all to see. For the record, they are both incredibly cool people and great to work with. I can't wait to start a new project!

My First Girly Brogues

I brought these beauties home with me from work today. They are H by Hudson -which isn't the most well-made brand in the world, but I do think they are designing with me in mind almost all the time.

Not only do I LOVE them, but I don't have anything like these in my closet. I'm trying to expand my style into the tights-with-old-man-tweed-shoes look, even though I think my leg shape might be a bit too thick for it.... (photos to come, and I want honest opinions!)

I was just so thrilled at how comfy they were. Also, I LOVE herringbone tweeds. And yellow leather. So, what's not to love?

Fancy Meeting Those Here...

I am laying in bed sifting through design books on amazon.co.uk and drooling unintentionally. I'm supposed to be sleeping. Suddenly I come across this book cover and think to myself, "those look familiar!" These stilt shoes (seen on the catwalk a few years back) were designed and made by the footwear designer I'm currently interning with:

Small world.

Mini-Internship, day 2

Ran errands all morning, worked until 10pm. Had some wine, had some food, met the designer's girlfriend, hummed along to the Yeah Yeah Yeahs while I worked. Weighed in on a few design decisions (fun!). Learned a bit about mould making. Then I fucked up a little.... but he didn't blame me, and with the help of his brilliant girlfriend we figured out a solution.

Tomorrow I go help one of the other people working on his project, and then back to his studio to work some more.

Then I work my retail job all weekend (oh god!) And then I think I'm back on my mini-internship Monday.

I am absolutely knackered. G'nite. 

Mini-Internship, day 1

Today was a big day for me because I began working on a short-term project with a shoe designer. I haven't mentioned it on here yet because I wasn't sure if it was going to happen. I met him through my little independent shoe school and really admired his work, so I bugged him and hassled him and charmed him and smiled very nicely until he found a use for me.

One day into it and I'm already learning things about making shoes, even though this project has nothing to do with making shoes. I've gotten to look through his technical specs, we talked about casting strangely shaped heels (yeay!), and I even found myself able to critique the quality of craftsmanship on the sample shoes his factory sent him -sure, I couldn't do any better, but I was pleased that I have a good eye for quality even if I can't achieve it yet.

And most importantly, he left me to my own devices at several times during the day. Which to me means that he trusted me to not fuck things up, and be resourceful enough to sort things out. That speaks volumes.

I had a good day.

36 Pairs, and They Each Have a Story

You know what this picture says to me? This says I need to buy more colourful shoes. It also says I have an addiction to boots and heels. It also says I need to find a way to organize them so they don't keep ending up in a pile in my closet.

With three pair at the cobbler, one on loan to my flatmate, and about ten more fetish heels back at home in SF, I have 36 pairs of boots or shoes here in the UK. And I think when I have some free time I might share with you my favourite and most interesting ones....


For now though, here are a pair I bought in San Francisco when I was there last month. Vintage white leather victorian superhero boots. I tried to wear them out the other day, but it started to snow. Due to this weather mishap these little darlings don't have a story yet, but I'm sure they will eventually...

 

Heel Shapes

Post-brunch with a fellow faux redhead, we wandered into a few shops and found some amazing shoes. I was only able to capture one or two, but I thought I'd share some brilliant heel shapes I came across today:

We ran across these polka dot beauties in Beyond Retro in Soho. How fantastic are those heels?











Ok and these I simply HAD to try on when we visited the Irregular Choice store on Carnaby Street. I have had a love affair with Irregular Choice back from when they weren't owned by Office and were actually hard to find. And now, looking at their stuff, I really feel I would be well suited to design for them. Especially because things I was secretly drawing in my sketchbooks are showing up on their shelves...


I am in love with these monster heels. I need a pair. Size 42 please. Make it so.




Really, I should simply never go into shoe stores.....