SO Inspiring

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Curiouser and Curiouser

I just got back from my first visit to the British Library, where I attended Curiouser and Curiouser, a talk on Alice in Wonderland and Lewis Carroll. Christopher Lee and Michael Sheen did fantastic readings from the text, and the writer Will Self blew my mind with his gigantic unpretentious vocabulary and thoughts on Wonderland.  (I have an intellectual crush on Will Self now- I want to rape his brain. If anyone knows him, please let him know.) And now I am obsessed with an idea he brought up during his talk, and want to use it for my next collection: interior exteriors. Sky underground. Etc

The BFI is now in possession of the only remaining copy of the 1900something film of Alice in Wonderland. At twelve minutes, it was deemed too long to watch as a whole film back then. You see this was only a few years after the invention of film and most movies were one or two minutes long, so cinema owners used to only buy one scene to show of this epic extravaganza. Because of this, most people never saw the film in its entirety. At the time, the cast of 100+ and the wild special effects were outrageous and fantastic- the world had never seen anything like it! The film will soon be available to view in the BFI archives, but we were the first people to see the film in full in over 100 years! I highly recommend that you take a few minutes out of your day and watch it (I've posted it below for your viewing pleasure)

My brain is going wild!

Let There Be Lights!

Look what just arrived!  It's thicker than I thought it would be. YEAY!

Inspiration

Inspiration is a funny thing. Of all the things that could possibly inspire me to design, it seems my fail safe starting point is.... table lamps. No, I'm completely serious- vintage table lamps, and the evolution of their design.

My next fail safe? Chairs. I love chairs.

(And if nothing else pops into my head I look at branches, skeletal shapes, voluptuous curves, and sometimes vintage pulp illustration.)

For this reason, these two Taschen books are at the top of my wishlist:

I hope these find their way onto my slowly evolving design-desk-setup-area-thing very soon.

Hello Again, San Francisco. And How Are You?

I can barely see what I am typing for the sunlight shining through the window. I am obviously not in London as I type this. I am in fact sitting in one of my old haunts in San Francisco watching the weather change from sunny to rainy and back again.

I've been back for nearly two weeks. I don't know how time is passing so quickly. I avoided coming back to SF for nearly nine months. After the CSM debacle I had to take some time to flail and run in circles. I suppose I felt intimidated by the caliber of friend I have in SF. Everyone I know is doing something- usually something noteworthy. I admit it was a self-centered impulse, but I didn't want to come back having failed out of a world class school without something interesting to show for it. My friends wouldn't have judged me or even cared of course, but I would have found ways to sense judgment where it wasn't. This summer was a really shitty time for me and I needed the time to sort my shit out. And I did, through shoes.



I was chatting with my friend Kitty the other day and I found myself saying, "you pick 'your thing' and you do it and do it and do it until people start to take notice." That is what I need to do. Make design my thing and just do it. And do it. And do it. And find people who want to work with/for me to help me do it. I am re-inspired to take a look over my shoe design sketches and think about investing some time and money into prototyping.

Yesterday I tromped around Isotope Comics in reflective silver boots and drank gin and tonics with lovely people. The store owner and local supervillain James talked me up to his customers and friends as though I were a celebrity. Like I said on Twitter the other day (do you follow me on twitter?) "Sometimes you feel like you're with the band. Sometimes you are the band. And sometimes you haven't even heard of the band and everyone laughs at you." James is one of those rare people who can't help but make everyone feel like they are in the band.

So here I am, back in San Francisco, missing London, but feeling like I never left this city. Of course I did leave. And I will be leaving again on the 25th and returning to England, which currently looks like this:


(thanks to Mr Ellis for the picture)

Though for now, I'm just going to enjoy my bitter coffee, served to me by a bitter barista, in a dirty cafe full of surly people.


And now I leave you with a photo I took in Chinatown.

Where Things Stand

I have been remiss in my blogging duties. I know that a couple people back home read this in order to keep up with me, so this post is mostly for those who want an overall update.

I visited Goldsmiths some weeks ago, and was shown around the design department. I drooled over the BA Design program's facilities and the concept behind the program itself. On top of that, I really liked the idea of attending a college that wasn't just an art school. The diversity of thinking and temperament would be a nice change from all of the art-specific schools I have been to. In short, I would love to attend.

Of course the reality of life is that I can no longer afford to continue my studies, and a BA is no longer something I can aim to get. I've wasted a lot of time and money on three different schools and that decision has come back to bite me in the ass.

However, I looked over things and realized that I might be able to fund one final year of study, and suddenly the 1 year Masters at Polimoda began to look pretty good. But I find myself waffling. Maybe it's weakness, but I am hesitant to live in a country where I don't speak the language. I feel quite lonely here in England a lot of the time, so can you imagine not being able to speak comfortably with most of the population? Of course I would learn Italian, but I am very conscious of language and how it can be used. Starting over with a new language in a new country would make me feel very isolated again. I don't know if I want to do that.


In other news I have accidentally gotten myself a weekend job. I was asked to work by the head of the shoe design school. See, she runs two footwear boutiques and now I work at one of them as a salesperson. So that's kind of nice. It's also an in. It means she no longer sees me as just a student who pays to learn from her staff.

And speaking of shoes, I have been making a point of working on new design every day. I grab my bag, run down to the coffee shop and camp out with a sketchpad and a book of tracing paper. The coffee shop window sills are littered with Taschen design history books, so I often grab one at random, flip through to random pages and pick a lamp or a chair from which I sketch a page of shoes.

This new habit began when I was bitching and complaining about how I don't have access to the materials I need to continue making shoes. My flat mate got really angry and kicked me around a bit, telling me to get off my ass and stop whining. She then bought me a drink and discussed how she could help me proceed with creating a design portfolio. I worked out what I needed to do, and she offered to help me with the branding and design of the portfolio. She is also going to help me get a copy of Rhino so I can begin rendering my more radical heel/platform designs more precisely.


In other news, I have broken a long standing habit of being a hermit and begun socializing. Making new friends is really scary for me, but I really need to stop being a lonely, cranky bastard holed up on my couch and cursing the world at large.... at 24. So I've started making plans with people. Old friends, new potential friends. Every time I go to meet someone I get the overwhelming urge to cancel on them last minute. I want to wrap myself in a blanket and hide instead. But so far I've only canceled once, and that was with a legitimate reason. So, go me.


The Boy is coming to visit in less than two weeks. And as per usual I'm scrambling to make my apartment look nicer, and magically lose a few pounds. I get nervous every time he comes to visit, and dread the couple of days leading up to his departure. And since I won't be coming home for Christmas this year, I'm particularly dreading these next couple of months in solitude after he leaves.


And now I've run out of things to say, and I have to go run errands before I meet up with a cute girl for drinks tonight and pack for a party I am going to after I go to work tomorrow (whew!). So, in leiu of a witty summary for this rambling post, I leave you with a picture I took in Florence, that made me giggle:

Celebrate

I find myself at home with a sudden head cold (no, it's not swine flu, for the last god damn time people!) and sitting in bed with little to do but drink tea and bemoan the fact that I'm not out celebrating right now.

So what do I have to celebrate, you ask?

Today my flatmate and I learned that our application for a flat in Hoxton was accepted! And not only that, but we both decided that we hated the student dorms so much that we opted to move out sooner than we originally planned. Instead of September 5th we are now moving in to our new place on August 10th. Yes, I am mere days away from a double bed, a bath tub, a real kitchen, and a living room. Can you believe it? I still don't. I am still skeptical, and sure that something will go wrong. It is too good to be true.

I've lived in a lot of different apartments, but I have always rented a room in someone else's flat. It didn't seem right to leave my stuff in the rest of the house, interrupting their routines and habits. But now? Now I can create my own living habits and my stuff can be anywhere! I can do logical things like make a place for my DVDs in the living room! I can leave my sketchbook and paints on the table without fear of being in someone's way. This is huge for me, you see. I finally get to occupy the space I have and make it my own.

Secondly, and in some ways more importantly, I would like to formally announce that I have decided to leave Central Saint Martins School of Shit and Bollocks.

This, I believe, warrants a drink. A toast, even. Raise your glasses if you will to the end of an era and beginning of another, far better one.

When I found out that Evil Tutor failed my latex project (despite telling me it was good all the way through the process) I made up my mind that I would not be returning to that awful sham they call a university, regardless of whether they wanted me to repeat 1st year or move on to 2nd year.

Words cannot describe how incredibly happy I am to be free of that place.

For the first time in years I feel inspired, eager to learn. Eager to make my own way, to go out into the world and absorb information. I want to do everything, create everything, experience everything. I feel free. I have no solid plan, just a good solid feel for the direction I want to head in. And that is liberating.

Of course I can't deny that CSM is a good name to have on your degree. Those three letters will open a lot of doors for a designer. Though, point of interest, I have come to realize that it will also close doors.

In making the decision to leave the school, I came across an interesting phenomenon in the design world. Being able to say "I graduated from St Martins" is great, but there is a certain respect I get when I say that I studied at St Martins only to realize that the reputation wasn't justified, and chose to leave. Funny, that.

In case I haven't made it painfully clear, this is not a school that will teach you anything, least of all actual, technical skills. Now I know that we all love the idea of simply drawing out a pretty sketch and handing it to someone else to make, but frankly that is bullshit. You need to follow through. True artists of any kind need to understand their materials, their craft, their process.... and often those things will inform and change their design. Half the stress/fun is in the process of trying to make one of your designs and seeing how it changes and becomes better.

The reason I got my internship with my awesome design mentor is not because I went to CSM, but because I studied at a technical fashion school and have a background in theatre and performance. I even said in my initial letter to her that "despite hailing from St Martins, I have not yet had my love for design or theatricality beaten out of me." She knew exactly what I meant.

My point is simply that there is something to be said for knowing how to make things. Any things. Whatever sort of things you want to make. And if you want to learn to make things, then St Martins is not the place to be.


So raise one more glass to the end of St Martins. And give Evil Tutor the finger for me, will you?

In the meantime I am looking into community college classes while I consider other universities. And should I decide to attend another uni, I have decided that the classes I take will not be in fashion.

I need a break.

But I also have a good solid foundation in fashion now, and it's time to start expanding outwards. In order to do this I am devoting four or five days a week to my internship to learn as much as possible from the designers I work for. And when I begin taking classes again, I want to learn to work with other materials so I can incorporate them into my designs- plastic, wood, metal, etc. I want to work in anything besides fabric and learn anything except fashion.

More shoe making and design courses are already queued up (more on that later), and from these classes I have also developed a rather subversive plan regarding my future shoe designs. See, a friend of mine at CSM asked if I was planning on continuing to learn how to make shoes, and if so, would I design and make the shoes for her final show at St Martins. I of course said yes! See, this way I get to have my final 3rd year show at St Martins by putting my shoes in the show, right under the nose of Evil Tutor and all those other fuckers who told me I was shit. BWAHAHAHAHA <---evil laughter and mustache stroking

Hell, if you've managed to read this far I think you deserve one more drink. Raise your glass one more time to the closing of a miserable year at an all-consuming, pretentious, and useless school, and the end of a year living in a moldy, tiny, uncomfortable dorm room.


Cheers.

The Next Year

So let's just say that I decide to take a break from fashion design, and give myself a year to sort things out. I've been giving it some thought lately, and I've decided to start compiling a list of things which, if money was not an issue (though in reality of course it is), I would like to spend the next year doing.

First and foremost I want to TRAVEL. That is the one thing that never fails to come up in conversation with friends or family lately. I have an unbearable urge to run away and I think I should indulge it. I want to see the world, change my context, put myself in new situations and see if I can't narrow down a little of what I want out of life.

And while I am traveling I want to write. This blog is no example of eloquent literary scrawlings, but I CAN in fact write when I put my mind to it. I love writing. I love taking in the world and spitting it back out in a new way. But what would I write about? I am not well-traveled and so I cannot comment on traveling itself. I could write about fashion, but there are so many fashion blogs and fashion writers out there that it's almost moot to mention fashion at all these days. So what in the world would I write about? I am not going to write the next Eat Pray Love, although I would love to.... hm, I would love to.

Now traveling is great and all, but it is not cheap. The biggest hurdle with that is figuring out how to fund my exploring. Hmmmmm.


Second, I would like to start a design line. Nothing huge. Something small and very, very Me. I want to find my work being talked about on those design blogs that I read. I want to have small orders from little boutiques. I just want to love what I do and make beautiful things. In order to do this I need a studio space. Some time to myself. And a seamstress. I HATE sewing. And honestly I am not very good at it. I can design and cut patterns until I am blue in the face, but I need to hire a seamstress to see the work through. Laugh if you will, but I know my limits.

So, how do I find and fund a small studio space and a sample maker?

Third, photography. I want to invest in a good beginner-level digital SLR camera and start really indulging in my photography. I've found a real love for it over the last few months and want to develop a style. I think it would be useful in many many ways later in life.

And lastly, shoes. I am taking a footwear intensive next month and that will be my first taste of making shoes. I have a feeling that I will like it. A lot. In all modesty I would be AMAZING at shoe design. Shoes are the one thing I obsess about and have strong opinions about. If I know nothing else, I KNOW shoes. I would be the next Fluevog... only sexier. I want to start my own line of shoes and sell them.

And frankly, I know NOTHING about how to start that, so I won't even speculate about the steps involved.


So. How do I make these things happen?

Dabbling

I have come to realize how stupid I would be to limit myself to only fashion. There are so many other things I want to do as well. Fabric is a limited medium and I want to expand my art beyond it. Though the term "dabble" has a sort of negative connotation, but that is exactly what I should be doing right now- dabbling in anything and everything, while specializing in nothing.

This is the time for me to try it all.

A day or two ago I went to a magazine launch where I met a really interesting man who set me thinking about diversifying my artistic view. He does a little bit of a lot of things. He is A Designer in the best sense. Meeting him reminded me that I really want to be the clothing equivalent of a Renaissance man. I want to do it all and bring all that knowledge back to my passion for style and the human form. Why on earth would I limit myself in this day and age of easily-accessible information?

This new found energy has inspired me to really delve into my new project at CSM. My Evil Tutor even noticed my excitement, and to my great surprise, I had the first encouraging tutorial I have ever experienced at CSM.

I cannot wait for school to be over in two weeks, so I can focus on expanding my horizons as An Artist and as A Designer.

A Random Day with Absolutely No Homework

In the unexpected heat yesterday, I found myself at a fascinating talk at the Architectural Association about the future of cities and architecture. I only caught the last three speakers, but it gave me lots of food for thought for my own design.

Correct me if I'm wrong, but I think the talk was organized by the writer of one of my favorite blogs, BLDGBLOG. If you have any interest in architecture, urban spaces, or the history of cities, keep an eye out for the BLDGBLOG book that is being released in a few weeks in the UK. This man is utterly brilliant. I approached him at the end of the talk and said his work was fantastic. I think I might have creeped him out a little. Sorry!

I went to see my friend Warren Ellis speak, but I was most intrigued by the speaker right before him- Francois Roche (sorry Warren, you know I still care). The way he approaches the design of a new building makes each of his structures feel like a story is being written. His focus is always on the process of creation, the cycle of death and life. Good stuff! I will follow his work from now on, and you should too.

That would be me, far right.


At the end of the talk, which was being live streamed, I gave Warren a congratulatory hug. Apparently the live stream was still going and Warren immediately began getting emails asking who I was. Shortly thereafter I got about 30 new followers on Twitter. Funny, that. If only I was an artist with a body of work I could be using this publicity for!

Warren and I then proceeded to a nearby pub and, forgetting that neither of us had eaten since that morning, got each other very drunk very quickly. I stumbled home and he hopped on a train and I ended my day curled up in a warm bed after a sympathetic room mate made this drunken redhead pasta.

And now, back to the regularly scheduled program: homework homework homework.

I Fought the Law, and the Law Won... I think? Or wait, did I?

Well, the meeting with the dean did not go how I expected. In fact, he calmed me down. It took me by surprise that talking with him in his dimly lit office would make me feel so satisfied. He was the first person at the school who stopped to listen to me, and agreed that the policies were crazy. Though he knew of no way to work around the policies, or go about changing them in time for them to affect me.

When I addressed the massive number of students failing, he told me it wasn't uncommon at CSM (though I've heard otherwise from 3rd year students). When I discussed the need for in-depth feedback he explained how difficult it is to give feedback and concrete success criteria when each student is encouraged to find their own style. I told him I understood that, but that a tutor's job is to recognize each student's style and work with them to develop it. And that is when the whole meeting changed.... he asked if he could see my sketchbook.

In five minutes, the dean gave me more constructive, mind-blowing feedback than I have gotten from my tutors in the last six months. He told me what was good, he told me what was crap (he apologized and said, "not to be too blunt, but this drawing is utter crap. Why did you draw this when you can draw like this?" and pointed to another sketch.) He looked at my research and pointed out exactly what I've been missing, and suddenly it seemed so obvious. It made sense. He showed me what I was lacking and suggested I approach research and sketchbooks in a different way.

I was shocked. I was inspired. I felt like I could do these four projects and enjoy them. It was hard to hear him tear my work apart, but it was also incredible and inspiring. When he pointed out my shortcomings it was as if they were so grossly obvious I couldn't believe I'd never seen them before.

When he finished I said, "if any tutor had EVER given me that kind of feedback in the last two terms, I would not be sitting across from you now." He chuckled, and told me that he was going to speak with the Evil Tutor about this issue. I expressed my nervousness about him confronting Evil Tutor because I was worried that his ego would be bruised, resulting in anger directed towards me and my grades. The dean assured me that the issue of feedback is a larger issue, and it is something that needs to be addressed. He also said that if Evil Tutor gets at all uppity, that I am to meet with him again so he can have words with the tutor.

He advised me to do all my work while continuing with the appeal process, and that he would assist me with it. He also said that if I pass this Retrieval project and all the other projects this term, my chances of moving onto 2nd year are good.


I left his office feeling strangely accomplished , though in the end I guess nothing really changed. I found that the fight I was entering would be a round against the entire university, and almost assuredly one I would lose. I suppose I gave in to the five projects I have to do. But I also feel as though I have the dean on my side now. He is one of the people who decides who goes on to 2nd year. And now, despite my low grades, I am more than just numbers to him. I am a girl who voiced her concerns and who wanted more feedback, and the opportunity to do better. And when he speaks to the Evil Tutor, perhaps things will change. Perhaps I will get more feedback from now on. Perhaps not. If not, the dean told me I can come speak with him again.

Am I backing down? I don't feel like it. I just feel that my time would be better spent trying to put his feedback to good use, and improving my grades this term. If I don't fail any projects, then this whole "being kicked out" drama goes away, you see.

I didn't really get to enter the ring. I was fully prepared to start one hell of an epic fight with CSM. But the dean's attitude, his empathy for my situation, his honest feedback and critique of my work, and his offer to speak with the tutor satisfied me for now.

And now that I think about it, entering the ring was never the point. The point was to make my concerns heard, and ensure that I had the opportunity to improve and grow as a designer and student. Hopefully I got that. So maybe The Law didn't win.

A Smattering of Thoughts Today

Random thoughts running through my head today:

*I would very much like to design legs for Aimee Mullins.

*I would like to take a few short courses at CSM over the summer:
-life casting
-painting the nude
-experimental glass working
-experimental jewelery
-laser cutting for fashion
-knitwear (creating your own insane knits)
-couture tailoring
-starting a fashion business
-embroidery
-art criticism
-art and politics: from Dada to Deller

*I am going home on Monday! And while at home I will be doing a drag queen photo shoot!

*I am aching to get into latex modeling, but I'm not sure how to make contacts over here in London. Any ideas?

*I am considering opening my own Etsy shop, and starting to sell my prints and simple garments, just so I don't starve near the end of each month.

*I found the mother of all latex stores by accident while searching for a candy store yesterday. I want to work there. I want to wear EVERYTHING in there. I want to design clothes for the store. I want to model for the company. I want to be a part of that world. My friend went in with me, and after spending an hour in there chatting with the drag queen salesmen, selling a catsuit to a man in a suit, and buying myself a FABULOUS latex hood my friend turned to me and said, "wow, I've never seen you so in your element. Holy shit, that was amazing. It was like you suddenly turned on the fabulous."

*sigh*
I want to make things and create things and collaborate with artists and other designers. I want to be inspired.