7 days

This time next week I'll be on a plane heading back to San Francisco, and will no longer be an American Redhead living in London- I am moving back to the states.

I am a little too overwhelmed with the practicalities of moving to spend time focusing on how I'm feeling about the move, but when I have a quiet moment between things I sometimes reflect on how differently I thought this London story would end.

If I'm completely honest, I hoped that at this point I'd be working on my final collection at Saint Martins and talking my way into fashion jobs. I figured the long distance relationship would have been more than I could handle and that I would be alone. I was sure I would be working toward *finally* getting that degree. I was pretty sure I knew who my friends would be at uni, and I was absolutely sure I'd be miserably lonely, focused on trying to become the next big thing.

The last thing I expected was to fail miserably time and time again, pick myself up and try harder than I've ever tried before, fail again (ad nauseum) until I decided to leave uni, and leave fashion. I never thought I'd find something I love and am good at, intern with designers, and talk my way into (hopefully) designing my first footwear collection for an amazing high end boutique store in London.

photo by Ben Hopper

I didn't expect to help organize one of the most fabulous costumed sex parties London has seen, or to meet some of the most amazing friends I've ever had. I surely didn't expect to not only maintain and significantly strengthen my relationship with my boyfriend, but to also find find myself dating an amazing girl as well. I hoped, but never actually believed, that I would end up growing more independent, capable, or able to handle whatever life throws at me. I've always thought of myself as a particularly weak person, and I think London has made me stronger in a lot of little ways.


As my left wrist now says in permanent black ink, "change" is something that will always define my life. This is just another rearranging of my situation, and it's certainly not a goodbye to London. No, I will be back as often as I can.

I do have a few regrets. I try to not dwell on things I might have done differently, or how I could have used my time better. I did what I did and I learned stuff. I am happy I came here, and proud of myself. I will miss people and places, but I go back to SF knowing I always have a home here in London. It will always be the place where I came into my own, on my own, for myself and no one else. It will always be a special place full of magical things and wonderful people to me.... yes, even when the weather is this shitty.

Photo by Jon Cartwright

I have much to do and many zzz's to catch up on, so that's all I'm going to say for now. If you want to see more stuff while I finish packing and curl up into bed, go browse my Tumblr.

G'nite.

First Ink

I have had a tattoo idea in my head for nearly five years. I have always known exactly what I wanted, but it never felt like the right time to get it. I asked a friend to type out the word I desired on her vintage typewriter, and I carried around the image in my wallet for years, knowing I wanted it to look a little worn and weathered.

When I moved to London I knew I would get my first ink here. But the tattoo had to mark a moment in my life, and my first year in the UK was rife with stress and unhappiness. I didnt want it to be a reminder of a horrible time, so I waited. I thought I might get it done when I moved into the flat and began life afresh, but again, my life was in flux, and I didn't want to mark that in my skin.

But I believe I am beginning an upward trend. Although I am sad to leave London, I am starting something new, and embracing some big changes in my future. I am once again feeling optimistic about life. I knew it was time.

And today was the day I got inked.

I was terrified. Not of the pain, but of not liking the outcome. Before we began my tattooist asked if I wanted the word to face me or face outward. The question took me by surprise- I had never considered having it face outward. This tattoo is for me, and me alone. That's why I went to have it done alone.

So why "change."? If there is word that defines me, it is "change". I feel that I am always striving to change for the better, and to not get stuck in a rut. In English it is also a command and a reminder that if I don't like the way things are, I have the power to change them. I also enjoy the irony that the first permanent marking on my body is about impermanence.

I was terrified this morning, but now I love it! I'm going to be very good to it, follow all the instructions my tattooist gave me, and in two weeks it will feel as though it's always been there.

No Rest for the Wicked

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I Don't Know How I Do It, But...

There are very few books on shoemaking and pattern cutting for shoes. It's a dying art, as most shoes are designed by someone with no knowledge of production, and handed to someone else to make. But I feel I need a more in-depth understanding of shoes, and I also really enjoy the process of making them.

I have found one book that has been immensely helpful. Of course it is also immensely expensive. So I did some price shopping around the intarwebs, and I found that I could order the book directly from the publisher for half the price. I email them, requesting an order form, and not ten minutes later I get an email from the author of the book! It seems he works for this publishing company as well! He invoiced me and said he could send the book this morning!

But that's not the really interesting part. That's just the lead up. So, of course I sign all professional-ish emails with my phone number. I hate getting phone calls, but when it comes to my design work, I want people to contact me! But no one ever does. So you can imagine my surprise when at noon I receive a phone call from the author, letting me know he mailed my book. He asked if I was a student and we get to chatting. He is a lovely chap. It turns out he used to teach at Cordwainers (back when it was a good school) and has been in bespoke shoemaking for over 45 years! We talked about schools and how hard it is to find a real education in footwear. And then he did something amazing. He offered me two things- first, that I may email him with any technical questions I may have about shoemaking. Secondly, he said he teaches in the US and knows a lot of suppliers, shoemakers and other people he would happily put me in contact with.

HOW did that just happen? I order a book and somehow get a phone call from the author who offers me his shoemaking contacts in another country?? I think he sussed out that I wanted to do more than make Manolos and was happy to meet someone who appreciated the knowledge he has to share. But still... WHAT? HOW?

One Tiny Step for Me, Hopefully Leading Toward a Giant Leap for... uh, Me

Whilst sitting on my ass at my job, having finished all my tasks, cleaned the store, restocked all the shoes, and listening to classic Bowie, I found myself thinking about how much I despise retail. Even on the best of days, I think, "I have got to make something of myself so I never have to work retail or food service ever again."

Spurred by the fear of amounting to nothing, I decided to pursue my boss (aka the head of the shoe design school) about an idea we once discussed over coffee. See, this mini school of shoe design also occasionally holds classes over in San Francisco, and my boss and I once discussed me helping her set up a more permanent school over there (think Stitch Lounge, but for shoes). She also asked me once if I wanted to be a teacher (this was after only making one pair of shoes, mind you).

So, I emailed my boss today to say that if she still wanted to pursue that idea we should sit down and have a discussion about how best to use the last year I am here. Should I start attending classes and being a teacher's assistant so that I can learn how to run a class on my own?

A few minutes before I sent the email, I got a serendipitous text message from the shoe designer I will be interning with, asking if I wanted to start playing with ideas and design next week!

All signs point towards better things to come!


I feel good. I really want to make use of my remaining time in London. Although I'd like to do everything (go to all the shows, travel all over Europe, live in every part of the city, see every thing, hear every band), the truth of my life is that I need to focus and really use this time to help me get a head start in a field I just jumped into rather suddenly. This is the sort of knowledge I will only get here and now- all that other stuff can come later. I'd rather be busy learning and interning, stressed with all the work I have to do, than have all this free time, a part time retail job, and depression creeping in at the edges while I sit on my fattening ass wasting the time I have left in the UK.

Returning to England

It's Friday afternoon and the realization that I leave in three days has suddenly hit me. I am starting to feel the stress that was so familiar to me this past year as I begin planning to leave The Boy and go back to London.

But this time is different from all the others. I am trying to balance out the familiar dread by reminding myself of all the good things about my life in London since I left CSM. This will be the first time I'll be returning to my flat and NOT the horrible student halls. It will be the first time I return without having to go back to another term at the dreaded CSM. In fact I am already looking forward to taking more classes in shoes, and seeking out an internship. I also have a job to return to. It is also the first time I'm returning with friends, events, and familiar habits waiting for me on the other side. So I need to keep reminding myself of this any time I start to dread my return to England.

My last year in England will be good. Remind me of this when I start to complain.

The Best Decision I've Ever Made

The other day I read over the blog entries I wrote during my year at CSM and I have come to a very solid conclusion: the best decision I've ever made was to leave that awful place.

It's evident from my entries that I repeatedly tried to rise to the challenges set by Evil Tutor, and was constantly knocked down without any explanation as to why. I can see how bravely I tried to take each failure as a reason to try even harder. And I can see how fucking miserable I was. It sorta killed me; it sorta made me stronger. I am still trying to sort my head out after a year of constant mindfucks.

But every time someone complements my shoe designs, or asks me to consult with them on a costume or project I feel a little bit better. It's good to know that although I've lost all confidence in my abilities, others have not. A little external reassurance is exactly what I need right now.

Another Piece of My Puzzle

When I was a little kid I loved to draw people. I designed clothes often enough, but as I discovered the last time I went through my mother's attic and found my old sketchbooks, it seems my favourite thing to draw was women in kinky lingerie.

I suspect this trend began because I used to steal my mother's Victoria's Secret and Fredericks of Hollywood catalogs to use as pose reference. At first I had no idea what lingerie was for- to my naive eyes it was just another sort of dress up costume. But judging from later sketchbooks, I figured out its purpose pretty quickly. Soon my women were brandishing whips and wearing corsets. I don't think I understood exactly what I was drawing, but on some level I figured out that this stuff was supposed to be sexy.

Flash forward sixteen years and I have begun to develop a sudden obsession with high-end lingerie and innovative, strappy contraptions that serve no purpose other than looking fucking sexy.

So a new dimension to my design future has begun developing in the back of my head. I think it's time to start up my youthful habit of drawing half naked women again. Only this time I want to add it to my developing design line. I was to design and produce shoes, latex clothing, and innovative/naughty lingerie. I know there are companies that dabble in similar spheres, but I have a rather unique design aesthetic and I think I could put together the most amazing boutique full of fabulous-ness!

This plan of mine has been growing and developing in the last few days. It makes me so happy to consider making this plan a reality. I really want to make this happen....

Where Things Stand

I have been remiss in my blogging duties. I know that a couple people back home read this in order to keep up with me, so this post is mostly for those who want an overall update.

I visited Goldsmiths some weeks ago, and was shown around the design department. I drooled over the BA Design program's facilities and the concept behind the program itself. On top of that, I really liked the idea of attending a college that wasn't just an art school. The diversity of thinking and temperament would be a nice change from all of the art-specific schools I have been to. In short, I would love to attend.

Of course the reality of life is that I can no longer afford to continue my studies, and a BA is no longer something I can aim to get. I've wasted a lot of time and money on three different schools and that decision has come back to bite me in the ass.

However, I looked over things and realized that I might be able to fund one final year of study, and suddenly the 1 year Masters at Polimoda began to look pretty good. But I find myself waffling. Maybe it's weakness, but I am hesitant to live in a country where I don't speak the language. I feel quite lonely here in England a lot of the time, so can you imagine not being able to speak comfortably with most of the population? Of course I would learn Italian, but I am very conscious of language and how it can be used. Starting over with a new language in a new country would make me feel very isolated again. I don't know if I want to do that.


In other news I have accidentally gotten myself a weekend job. I was asked to work by the head of the shoe design school. See, she runs two footwear boutiques and now I work at one of them as a salesperson. So that's kind of nice. It's also an in. It means she no longer sees me as just a student who pays to learn from her staff.

And speaking of shoes, I have been making a point of working on new design every day. I grab my bag, run down to the coffee shop and camp out with a sketchpad and a book of tracing paper. The coffee shop window sills are littered with Taschen design history books, so I often grab one at random, flip through to random pages and pick a lamp or a chair from which I sketch a page of shoes.

This new habit began when I was bitching and complaining about how I don't have access to the materials I need to continue making shoes. My flat mate got really angry and kicked me around a bit, telling me to get off my ass and stop whining. She then bought me a drink and discussed how she could help me proceed with creating a design portfolio. I worked out what I needed to do, and she offered to help me with the branding and design of the portfolio. She is also going to help me get a copy of Rhino so I can begin rendering my more radical heel/platform designs more precisely.


In other news, I have broken a long standing habit of being a hermit and begun socializing. Making new friends is really scary for me, but I really need to stop being a lonely, cranky bastard holed up on my couch and cursing the world at large.... at 24. So I've started making plans with people. Old friends, new potential friends. Every time I go to meet someone I get the overwhelming urge to cancel on them last minute. I want to wrap myself in a blanket and hide instead. But so far I've only canceled once, and that was with a legitimate reason. So, go me.


The Boy is coming to visit in less than two weeks. And as per usual I'm scrambling to make my apartment look nicer, and magically lose a few pounds. I get nervous every time he comes to visit, and dread the couple of days leading up to his departure. And since I won't be coming home for Christmas this year, I'm particularly dreading these next couple of months in solitude after he leaves.


And now I've run out of things to say, and I have to go run errands before I meet up with a cute girl for drinks tonight and pack for a party I am going to after I go to work tomorrow (whew!). So, in leiu of a witty summary for this rambling post, I leave you with a picture I took in Florence, that made me giggle:

Another +1 Networking Point

Sometimes all it takes is the right question posed to the right person at the right moment for doors to fling open for you.

As I was leaving my local cafe today I ran into the owner in the midst of a conversation with two other arty looking men. I happen to know that the owner has a background in furniture design and woodworking. Since I've been reading up on materials I might use to make heels for my prototype shoes I asked him if he had a moment for me to pick his brain about using wood for heels. He said he'd not only love to talk to me, but then introduced me to the man standing next to him. Turns out I interrupted a chat between woodworking designers. They were kind enough to give me an overview of what sorts of wood I could use, and the sorts of tools I would need. Then, this designer I just met offered to help me knock together some prototype heels if I brought him sketches and specs.

Just like that!

Looks like I'm growing a group of designers and teachers and mentors to help me as I start off on this shoe design thing. And it seems to be going pretty well.

Making Shoes

I just completed the last week of my shoe design course. During these final five days we were going to attempt the realization of a shoe design we'd worked on before leaving for Italy. For beginners like myself, five days to see a design all the way through from sketch to actual shoe is a pretty bold undertaking- especially considering the sort of designs a couple of us had in mind. I had three designs sketched out, and they were all very science fiction-y, but I settled on the one that was most complex in terms of pattern drafting. My teacher encouraged me to challenge myself.

Since I plan on actually making the other designs at a later date, I will only share those with you later. For now, here is the design I started with when I began to make the shoes:

Several changes would be made due to practicality and time, but the essence of the sketch stayed the same throughout the process of making. And now I'd like to take you through a very quick run through of my last five days, from that sketch to the actual (nearly) finished shoes.

So first we had to make a pattern. Using a last (the wood or plastic foot form), we began by taping them up and drawing on the form. We then carefully cut the patterns off and flattened them before tracing them off, adding and refining and finally creating something that would fit the foot perfectly. (I left a large block of fabric where the heel would be because at the time we weren't sure the shape of the heel I would be using.)









After much crankiness and confusion over my colors and materials I settled on a deep navy patent leather and found a beautiful warm mustard vegetable tanned leather for details. The project began as a (warning: pretentiousness ahead) "meditation on duality", so the mix of shiny and craftsmen-style leather suited my concept perfectly.



So now it was time to start making the shoes. First up, the veg tan leather toe caps. Veg tan leather is very stiff and difficult to work with. The trick to making the toe caps was to soak the leather in luke warm water and shape the toes around the lasts to let them dry.







While they were drying I began sewing all my pieces together. Adding stiffeners, shaping tape, and all the bits and bobs required to make the shoe upper and lining. I chose the bright blue suede lining because I thought it would brighten the shoe and make it look luscious and luminescent. Once the little toe caps were dried (aren't they cute?) I saw the colors and the pieces beginning to take shape and only had to put the whole thing together.







First I lasted the blue suede lining, as you can see below. Then I did a similar lasting technique to the upper (the outside layer), before gluing it all together. Next I had to shave all the edges of leather down to create a flat surface to walk on. As you can see I then filled in the bottom with a cork/acetone mixture that helps to even out the bottom surface of the shoe.







After everything was sewn up, nailed down, glued together, and attached, I began to worry because I hadn't found a heel. My original design called for a wedge, so I began to carve one out of very dense cork. In the end I realized what I really wanted was a heel and later scrapped the cork, but not before I'd put a fair amount of blood and sweat into hand shaving layers of this very very hard cork.







So the shoes were nearly finished, short of finding or carving a new heel for them. Because of the lack of heel, the big block of leather was still hanging off the back of the shoe when I presented my design to the panel of teachers on the last day. They didn't seem to mind. All in all, I have to say I'm pretty damn pleased with myself. This is only the second pair of shoes I've ever made, and I didn't even get to design the first pair.







Unlike fashion, I found to my surprise that I actually enjoyed the process of making the shoes. I loved the craft and the detail and working with the variety of materials. I loved working with tools and making a mess. Shoes are amazing. I want to do more. And more. And more and more.

I learned so much about shoes during this project. I've come to see that although I can use some of the skills I picked up in my fashion training, shoes are a different monster. For example, when pattern cutting and planning clothing, you can anticipate and use gravity to your advantage. But in footwear, you don't have points of the body to hang fabric off of, such as shoulders or hips. You have to work against gravity because the bulk of the shoe is at the bottom. So a shoe designer/pattern cutter has to think upwards instead of downwards.

I also began to appreciate how difficult it is to line things up perfectly. I realize there is a margin for error in shoes- I mean, when's the last time you stared at the stitching on your mass-produced shoes to see if it was perfectly aligned- but I have noticed that my toe caps are about 2mm different and it annoys me! On top of all of that, I have a new appreciation for working with difficult things like patent leather. That wasn't an easy choice for a beginner.

I have been getting a fantastic response about these shoes ever since I began showing them around. Even my teachers complimented my design, and I have the utmost respect for my teachers and their work. That was high praise.

My plan is to focus on making the rest of the mini-collection I designed during this class with the help of my FABULOUS teachers and mentors, and we'll see where things go from there...

What do you know- I have finally found something I love doing.

Good

In the last two days a lot of things have turned around.

I began a three week footwear design and production course today and I'm already working on a collection. Tomorrow we're seeing the shoe museum and visiting a couple factories, and then next Monday we fly to Italy where we will attend Linnea Pelle and visit Polimoda.

Strange timing makes this upcoming visit to Polimoda very important to me because I was just invited to apply for my MA in shoe design there. One of my shoe design teachers also teaches at Polimoda and spoke with them on my behalf, and encouraged me to apply despite not having finishing my BA. So, next week I'll not only be in Italy for the first time, but I'll also be viewing a university I hope to attend in 2011.

A number of other interesting opportunities have also popped up out of the blue as well. Things are finally looking up.

I am back in the game people. No more moping around the house and watching bad movies. I'm back in the library and doing research. I am traveling, teaching, and generally wearing myself out.

I forgot how much I hate/love dragging myself out of bed early in the morning to carry paper-heavy bags on the overheated underground, sweating like mad after bundling up against the sudden downpour, and craving coffee like a madwoman.

This is good. This is all good.

Fashion?

Fashion disgusts me right now.

The whole CSM sketchbook process was so unnatural to me that I no longer care to even attempt it. But it seems the habit has set in and I've forgotten how to be inspired without first worrying about the sketchbook.

This was upsetting because I find myself intensely inspired by things these days, and unable to respond in a way other than fashion. And fashion, as I delicately mentioned above, disgusts me. But recently I've begun looking at small fashion designers and staring at their clothing, trying to work backwards to what their initial concept might have been. It began to bother me that I couldn't imagine how I'd defend those designs to my past tutors. Then one day I stopped and said, "what the hell am I doing that for?" And that's when I realized I don't need a damn sketchbook full of research to explain my ideas to anyone anymore. Don't get me wrong, research is important but in fashion no one cares HOW you got there as long as the place you arrived is good.

Forget all my sketchbooks and research and all the time I wasted trying to explain what was perfectly clear to me to tutors that didn't understand the basics of social etiquette much less style and fashion. Forget all this "challenging myself to start from difficult and complex subjects". I should stop making it so hard on myself and just start sketching.

I want to design what I want to design. It's as simple as that.

+1 Networking Point

Woke up feeling like I'd been hit by a truck. Dragged myself to the coffee shop down the road hoping that a caffeine injection would enliven the brain a bit. It didn't.

But some good came of my miniscule effort to drag myself outside. Our local coffee shop is under a building full of artist studios and as a result the cafe owners are lovely arty people who know all the goings on above them.

As a regular who knows the entire staff by name, I found myself in a discussion about art and what I want to do with my life after I asked the owner if I could borrow this design magazine laying around the cafe with an article on rapid prototyping technology. He liked that I want to try my hand at a bit of everything right now, and said he might be able to help. Turns out a shoe designer just moved into the building above the cafe, and the cafe owners also know a fashion designer, a furniture designer, and all sorts of artists up there. He said he would love to connect me with those artists and set up a meeting so I could mingle and find myself some new internships.

I suggested they use their cafe as a meeting point for artists and designers in the area and they suddenly lit up saying, "we were JUST discussing doing that not ten minutes ago!" I offered to help organize that event, which they aim to make happen early November.

So I still feel icky and tired, but now there's a little light of hope that maybe I found a way to study under some designers, craftsmen, and artists so that I actually try my hand at all those things I dreamed about learning this year.

The Spaces In Between

Let me tell you a story, dear readers. A story of one of the only projects I really enjoyed doing at Central Saint Martins. Well, "enjoyed" might be too strong of a word.

This project had a prompt as lackluster as porridge: "what is your journey?" I was feeling particularly lonely that term and so I planned to do the project on physical journeys, historic journeys, epic stories and poems, migration, the hero cycle, and my own journey from San Francisco to London. After I had amassed a pile of research several hundred images thick I approached my Evil Tutor with my idea, only to have him cut me off with a disappointed sigh and the question, "why don't you do it on fashion or something more interesting?"

At that point I realized he wasn't going to like anything I produced, so I whittled the grand concept down to something so basic even a luddite like Evil Tutor could grasp it. But I had to keep in mind the fact that this was Saint Martins, and they don't like anything too direct or obvious. So, first I narrowed the concept to something physical: two iconic bridges. One from the city I came from, and one from the city I came to. And then to make it more Saint Martins-y I decided to focus not on the bridges, so much as the way they cut up space... the negative space around the bridges. (This is when my fascination with negative space began.)

The project was called "The Spaces In Between", and now I'm going to share it with you.

I began with my two iconic bridges, and followed it up with a few pages of sketches of the negative space created by the bridges (which didn't turn out in photos, and weren't all that interesting anyhow)



From these sketches of negative space I began to wonder what defined space as negative. If you are looking at the space around an object at the same time as you are looking at the object itself, you are seeing the same thing two different ways at the same time. So my next step was to find a way to visually explain the idea of "looking at the same thing from two angles at once" visually to my Tutor.



I found a photographer whose name escapes me now, who photographed the same arch from two perspectives and placed them one right next to another. How would that translate to fashion? I imagined a woman wearing a dress with a naked body printed on it that was facing a direction other than the one the wearer was actually facing.

But Saint Martins likes to see that you always refer back to your original concept by the time you design rough sketches. So after some playing with 3d application of this concept on top of this my naked torso ideas (again, which didn't photograph well), I designed a number of very strange garments.



Now, before you think, "holy shit, those are some crap drawings and hideous designs," let me explain that I went a bit crazy with this project because my tutor told me two conflicting things at once shortly before I began this project. First he told me that I didn't experiment with shape or concept enough, and then he told me not two minutes later that my designs were too outlandish and not at all wearable. So I tried to both experiment with shape, but not go as overboard as I previously had.

Moving on....

That same photographer also played with space by taking photos of an archway, cutting it in half and thereby redefining the space it occupied. It was a natural progression from my last idea, so I started cutting up the body and redefining the space it would take up. I then took something very basic- the jeans and t shirt- and cut those iconic shapes up, changing the space and shape they used.








I liked the idea of playing with familiar shapes on the body, so I asked one of my flatmates to let me tie her up. Using string I created some interesting shapes on her body, around her body, and then translated these shapes into negative and positive space, before changing the negative into positive again etc etc. I ended up using some of the shapes created by the string and raising them by quilting a fabric sample...





I also looked at artists who responded to the shape of the body in unusual ways, and found that I was drawn to things that protruded from the body in unusual ways, so I did a few fabric samples to create little nubbins that would protrude from seams...



But I worried I had strayed too far from my original starting point and Evil Tutor hated my train of thought, so I explored the use of space again by literally taking the images I began with and cutting them up, sewing the paper back together, etc in order to create new shapes out of them.



Which I then combined with the idea of quilting shapes (thereby turning a flat space into a 3d space) and designed a few more roughs:



So now I had a lot of ideas, but I had more to do. Being a fashion and print student, I also had to design and produce a print for my fabric.

I once again went back to my original bridges and my idea of negative space and began looking for art and photography that served to illustrate my ideas. In the end I ended up tracing out the negative space around the bridge in the black and white photo on the top page. I then repeated that pattern, cut out out and made a ghetto screen which I used to print, foil, flock, and dye fabric with. (The print looked like what you see on that sheet of tracing paper stuck in the book.)



I then proceeded to combine all these concepts together to create a booklet of about 15 fabric samples using my new print, some of my original concepts, and all the various artists I ended up looking at. Here are a few poorly photographed samples:


Nubbins, a clear foil print, and industrial looking seams/bolts. Very bridge like and also very in line with what I wanted to do. Pardon the brown fuzz on the fabric sample. heh.



The ass print from the original "looking at the same thing from two angles" idea, combined with the bolts, and the print, done in foil.


Just the print, quilted in select places. Um, I did this one very quickly so please excuse the mess. It was just a quick sample, remember.


Taking the concept of the bridge print and making it less literal.


A painting using the artist I found late in the project that I felt showed the softer side of the steel structures.


Now, using these and my other ten samples, I did a few more sketches recycling my favorite styles from the previous sketches and applying my new prints onto them:






And finally, I attempted to change the very fashiony way I illustrate (being trained for 3 years in fashion illustration will do that) to reflect the playful nature of the designs I settled on. These were a lot of fun to do:




I think my favorite is the ass dress, which I aim to produce at some point...


So that's a rough idea of how a project went for me. I got a lot of good response from my classmates on this one. And although it was a very new way of working, and I had to disregard all the research I did in the beginning, I felt like I arrived at something that I could see being worn.

I also realized that the project could have been much more Me. It would have been more interesting, more in-depth, just "more" if I hadn't had to waste time visually explaining my ideas to the tutor, instead of just working the ideas through to their logical and creative end. I was too tutor-aware my boyfriend said, and he's right. This project would have been much more interesting if Evil Tutor didn't need each step explained out to him. He could never follow my thought processes and so I went to a great deal of trouble trying to visually explain them to him which in the end distracted me and stunted my design process.

Of course I failed this project. Evil Tutor never told me why, and frankly I didn't care. Shortly after this project I realized I didn't want to be at Saint Martins anymore.

Funny how a project about journeys would end up pointing me in a new direction.

This Is My Life

There is nothing like biking to your neighborhood produce shop in the sun to come home and prepare a dinner of Dhal, Curried chicken and potatoes, Bhindi Bhaji, and bay leaf soaked rice. We cooked curry in a wok while listening to MC Hammer in a flat in England.

We also discovered magnetic poetry stuck to the side of our refrigerator and have since begun tormenting one another with it.

Our first poem sprung forth from the eating of tarts and discussing being an interracial household.



"You are whit(e)y. I, pariah. Tantamount torment! We know ennui. Usurp my Treacle."

And today we picked up the Russian print from 1927 and hung it in our otherwsie empty living room!


This is my life.

Growed Up

Today I bought a bike. My flatmate and I rode around Victoria park for hours enjoying the sunshine and the inevitable feeling of freedom that comes with having control over your means of transportation.

We then rode along the canal back home, and around our neighborhood. All in all I'm guessing we rode more than five miles today! Go team!

Then, a few hours later, in the cafe/vintage shop that is quick becoming our new favorite haunt I found an amazing piece of vintage art from the 20s. And seeing how much we loved it, the owner (who seems oddly fascinated with the fact that we are two girls originating in two of England's bastard children countries, living in London) cut the price in half for us. We had to say yes. With our birthdays only a week apart, and upcoming, we decided to call it Our Birthday Gift to ourselves.

We bought art. And ghetto bikes. I'm an adult. And a little hipster biker chick.

Celebrate

I find myself at home with a sudden head cold (no, it's not swine flu, for the last god damn time people!) and sitting in bed with little to do but drink tea and bemoan the fact that I'm not out celebrating right now.

So what do I have to celebrate, you ask?

Today my flatmate and I learned that our application for a flat in Hoxton was accepted! And not only that, but we both decided that we hated the student dorms so much that we opted to move out sooner than we originally planned. Instead of September 5th we are now moving in to our new place on August 10th. Yes, I am mere days away from a double bed, a bath tub, a real kitchen, and a living room. Can you believe it? I still don't. I am still skeptical, and sure that something will go wrong. It is too good to be true.

I've lived in a lot of different apartments, but I have always rented a room in someone else's flat. It didn't seem right to leave my stuff in the rest of the house, interrupting their routines and habits. But now? Now I can create my own living habits and my stuff can be anywhere! I can do logical things like make a place for my DVDs in the living room! I can leave my sketchbook and paints on the table without fear of being in someone's way. This is huge for me, you see. I finally get to occupy the space I have and make it my own.

Secondly, and in some ways more importantly, I would like to formally announce that I have decided to leave Central Saint Martins School of Shit and Bollocks.

This, I believe, warrants a drink. A toast, even. Raise your glasses if you will to the end of an era and beginning of another, far better one.

When I found out that Evil Tutor failed my latex project (despite telling me it was good all the way through the process) I made up my mind that I would not be returning to that awful sham they call a university, regardless of whether they wanted me to repeat 1st year or move on to 2nd year.

Words cannot describe how incredibly happy I am to be free of that place.

For the first time in years I feel inspired, eager to learn. Eager to make my own way, to go out into the world and absorb information. I want to do everything, create everything, experience everything. I feel free. I have no solid plan, just a good solid feel for the direction I want to head in. And that is liberating.

Of course I can't deny that CSM is a good name to have on your degree. Those three letters will open a lot of doors for a designer. Though, point of interest, I have come to realize that it will also close doors.

In making the decision to leave the school, I came across an interesting phenomenon in the design world. Being able to say "I graduated from St Martins" is great, but there is a certain respect I get when I say that I studied at St Martins only to realize that the reputation wasn't justified, and chose to leave. Funny, that.

In case I haven't made it painfully clear, this is not a school that will teach you anything, least of all actual, technical skills. Now I know that we all love the idea of simply drawing out a pretty sketch and handing it to someone else to make, but frankly that is bullshit. You need to follow through. True artists of any kind need to understand their materials, their craft, their process.... and often those things will inform and change their design. Half the stress/fun is in the process of trying to make one of your designs and seeing how it changes and becomes better.

The reason I got my internship with my awesome design mentor is not because I went to CSM, but because I studied at a technical fashion school and have a background in theatre and performance. I even said in my initial letter to her that "despite hailing from St Martins, I have not yet had my love for design or theatricality beaten out of me." She knew exactly what I meant.

My point is simply that there is something to be said for knowing how to make things. Any things. Whatever sort of things you want to make. And if you want to learn to make things, then St Martins is not the place to be.


So raise one more glass to the end of St Martins. And give Evil Tutor the finger for me, will you?

In the meantime I am looking into community college classes while I consider other universities. And should I decide to attend another uni, I have decided that the classes I take will not be in fashion.

I need a break.

But I also have a good solid foundation in fashion now, and it's time to start expanding outwards. In order to do this I am devoting four or five days a week to my internship to learn as much as possible from the designers I work for. And when I begin taking classes again, I want to learn to work with other materials so I can incorporate them into my designs- plastic, wood, metal, etc. I want to work in anything besides fabric and learn anything except fashion.

More shoe making and design courses are already queued up (more on that later), and from these classes I have also developed a rather subversive plan regarding my future shoe designs. See, a friend of mine at CSM asked if I was planning on continuing to learn how to make shoes, and if so, would I design and make the shoes for her final show at St Martins. I of course said yes! See, this way I get to have my final 3rd year show at St Martins by putting my shoes in the show, right under the nose of Evil Tutor and all those other fuckers who told me I was shit. BWAHAHAHAHA <---evil laughter and mustache stroking

Hell, if you've managed to read this far I think you deserve one more drink. Raise your glass one more time to the closing of a miserable year at an all-consuming, pretentious, and useless school, and the end of a year living in a moldy, tiny, uncomfortable dorm room.


Cheers.

RCA

Tempted by a talk with a lovely woman at the BLDGBLOG book launch, I find myself staring longingly at the Royal College of Art website. I'm not sure what I want to do exactly, so I'm sifting through the site to see if they offer any short courses. Yeah, they have fashion, but "eh". I think I need to look at fashion through different eyes, in a different context, from another point of view. So maybe I should take course in glass, or Jewellery and metalwork! Or perhaps Design Interactions, which sounds fascinating.

So much I want to do, and not sure how to do it.

Quick Thoughts

I am drunk and sleepy, but before I crawl into bed I just wanted to share two quick thoughts that popped into my head after a fabulous evening with Warren Ellis (who is fast becoming my favorite drinking partner) at the BLDGBLOG book launch.

Today I realized that as a so-called fashion designer I am faced with the same questions that designers in other disciplines are. I simply respond through a different medium, a softer medium. Although "fashion" in its typical form is something even *I* look down on, I think it can be useful in that discourse. Perhaps it can be one part of discovering unique answers to the questions posed by our ever developing future-thinking culture.

G'nite.