16 January, 2010

The Best Decision I've Ever Made

The other day I read over the blog entries I wrote during my year at CSM and I have come to a very solid conclusion: the best decision I've ever made was to leave that awful place.

It's evident from my entries that I repeatedly tried to rise to the challenges set by Evil Tutor, and was constantly knocked down without any explanation as to why. I can see how bravely I tried to take each failure as a reason to try even harder. And I can see how fucking miserable I was. It sorta killed me; it sorta made me stronger. I am still trying to sort my head out after a year of constant mindfucks.

But every time someone complements my shoe designs, or asks me to consult with them on a costume or project I feel a little bit better. It's good to know that although I've lost all confidence in my abilities, others have not. A little external reassurance is exactly what I need right now.


Carrie said...


orrinward said...

Hi there. This seems like the wrong place to contact you, but I couldn't find a direct e-mail or anything. I foudn your blog whilst searching the internet to help solve my girlfriends current problems.

She is a second year CSM student (Performance Design) who has a combination of things bringing her down - a major one being that she is struggling with her course and is potentially coming into a position where she has to decide whether or not to carry on with it. You seem like you've come out of a similar situation with a spring in your step and a smile on your face, and I was wondering if you could offer words of wisdom to her, where I can't.

I think I googled "how to appeal failing a year at central st martins" and the first useful content I got back was your page, and oddly enough you seem to have a lot in common with my girlfriend. She's American (Jersey girl) and red-headed, and I guess she's in a similar spot that you were in this time last year.

If you can't help, then don't worry. But if you think you might be able to, please get in touch. I wish I could do more, but I'm in my final year at University in Plymouth, and you seem to have hands-on experience of CSM hell and survived.

My e-mail is orrinward at gmail dot com.

If you read this, please get in touch.