03 December, 2010

What Have I Been Up To?

Both the boy and myself were sick over Thanksgiving, and as such I didn't work out for two weeks and instead spent considerable time laying around watching movies. I also started a new Tumblr while I was feeling sorry for my sickly self. I have hundreds and hundreds of pictures of shoes laying around, and I realize that they aren't doing me much good if I don't tag and archive them to create a reference book for myself. Thus began the joy that is Shoe Pr0n, your daily dose of interesting footwear design, curated by yours truly. New stuff posted daily, sometimes with commentary or history.

Despite having to take those two weeks off my workout regime, I'm losing weight. I'm about 4-5lbs lighter on average, and my measurements are slimming down bit by bit. My natural waist which was at 32, is now a little below 31, and ideally should be around 30 or lower. It's nice to feel like I can wear waist belts and not look thick and icky anymore.

My oh-so-super-seekrit design job is going well. I'm a little frustrated with my own limitations as a designer, as they are doubled by the limitations placed upon me by the sort of job I'm doing. Additionally, I'm not a good artist and I feel a little ashamed about my inability to draw what I want quickly. I've worked my ass off at uni, but never before have I been expected to create new designs every day. It's a bit stressful, and I can feel my brain wanting to rest. But then I think to myself, "holy shit, I'm being paid to design clothes and shoes! FORREALS!" and the happy shock of the situation urges me to shut up and get on with it.

The funny thing about this job is how my ego is coping with it. I am of two opposing minds almost every day. On one hand I have complete confidence that I know what I'm talking about, and have opinions and knowledge worth listening to. On the other hand, I doubt my ability to back those opinions and knowledge up with actual skill. There is also a bit of fear as this is the first time I've ever worked inside a semi-corporate structure as a designer and it means that I get orders from on high without ever having presented or defended my work and ideas. I know I have advocates showing my work on my behalf, but it's unnerving to not be there to present it myself. All I get is 2nd hand feedback, and marching orders. It's just a bit unnerving, and it reminds me of the day I applied to Central St Martins when they took my portfolio away from me and judged it without me there. I don't think my work speaks for itself, and my drawing ability certainly doesn't do anything to improve my case, so I feel I NEED to be with the work in order for it to make sense. But that's a very amateurish way of thinking. I'm no longer in school and no one cares about my sketchbook and inspiration. They want content and innovation without artsy fartsy bullshit.

I've been dressing up nearly every day (yeay for a job where I can wear heels) and I've rediscovered my passion for trying different looks and silhouettes each day. I've also found that my consistent immersion in the fashion world has once again awakened my appreciation for design far beyond the scope of my paycheck. It's becoming dangerous.

So that's more or less what I've been up to.  Working, working out, buying shoes, posting on Shoepr0n, playing video games (I finished Fable 3!) and missing London a little.

No comments: