Excitement

Two or three weeks ago, I began noticing a tiny hint of happiness peeking through my otherwise abysmal outlook on life. It seemed the shock and sadness about moving to London began to lift, and these days I am not lying when I tell people I am excited to be going.

I am actually excited to be going.

During my last few days traveling about London, I stopped feeling like a tourist, and began allowing myself to pass by certain things I wanted to see. It felt like I already lived in the city, and I felt confident I would be able to see everything at another time. I was sure I'd move there and be happy. Lately I've been able to recall that sense, and remind myself that I was happy there. I was inspired there. I was fucking freezing there too, but that's nothing a few sweaters won't fix. I have gotten stuck in a rut here in San Francisco. I love this city, and I love my friends, but I am bored. And I need to do something differently for a while. One of my New Years resolutions was to shake things up, and have new experiences. I think I can safely say that 2008 will hold a lot of opportunities to do that....

A friend of mine here is moving to New York in a few months. We've been discussing how strange it is to buy a one-way ticket somewhere. Neither one of us has ever done it before, and something about it feels empowering and saddening at the same time. It's just so definite. So final. It means you've made a decision and will follow it through, alone. It's your next move and you've committed to it.

Right now, I'm in the midst of applying for a scholarship that would pay for one full year of my tuition at CSM, and maybe ever more. The deadline in Feb 1st, and I'm scrambling to get all the paperwork in. My current school has to recommend me, and they will do so if I get all my paperwork in to them in the next week or so. I'll be the first student from the San Francisco campus to be recommended for this scholarship. It sounds like an honor, but really it's just another way that my school ignores the SF campus in favor of the publicity-abound LA campus. Grr Hiss Boo.

I will keep you updated.