White Project: Sorted.

I am exhausted in ways I didn't know you could be tired. My kneecaps are tired.

Today we presented our all-white project to the tutors for a critique. We had to present our book of sketches, research, and design development, finished illustrations, and the garment fully styled on a model.

Due to a mysterious mishap and a cranky tutor I found myself having to present an hour earlier than I was scheduled, and it was a rush job. I didn't know what to say or how to present. But I joked around a little and talked honestly about what I did and didn't like about my work.

My tutor, who up until today seemed to really dislike me and my work, was surprisingly friendly. He didn't give me much feedback, but didn't say bad things either. Nothing particularly good, nothing particularly bad. We just sort of chatted in front of the class about my piece. He did say he liked my illustrations, which was a relief because I tried my hand at painting for the first time in my life ( CSM hates literal fashion illustrations, which is what I have been trained to do, and have been trying to steer clear of). Go me.

I learned so much from these last few days. The most important of which is that I have figured out how I need to approach a project to get the best results:

First of all, once I have picked my broad topic, and researched into it a lot, I need to find one or two very specific things to work from. I need to narrow my focus, quicker. Pick a topic, expand, pinpoint desired theme, focus in and go for it.

Second, at every step of the process, I should be thinking about my final product. What is the overall mood I am trying to create with this project? Do I want a tall skinny model, or am I making a point by choosing to put a short old woman in this dress? What do I want people to see? I need to think about accessories, makeup, hair, etc. From day one, I should have these questions in the back of my mind.

Third, go to school. I mistakenly convinced myself during my time at FIDM that I work best if I'm at home alone. This is just not true. I need to go to school. I spent the last week and a half at school every day from 10am - 8pm. I had people around me, technicians to answer questions, friends to help me sort out problems, and hugs when I got so angry I swore I was going to drop out. Going to school is best. I'm so glad I figured out that it's a good working environment this early on in my time at CSM.

Fourth, do what I love, but keep it simple. Do not mistake that statement to mean that I am going to play it safe. But I realize now that I stepped entirely too far away from my personal aesthetic during this project. I appreciated the novelty of it, but it was incredibly difficult to spend that much time and money on something that didn't really feel like Me. I want to stretch my style, and try new things with each project, but I think that I need to base my designs in what I love and what I do best. That way I can expand out from there, instead of flailing miserably out in the middle of nowhere with no tethering to anything concrete and personal.

And fifth, I realized how lazy I can be, and that I have to combat that inclination with all my might. I can be tired, cranky, confused, hesitant, whatever... I still need to get things done. I found that it gets easier with practice, doing things despite wanting to sit at home and surf topshop.com while watching a movie. If I can just get started and find a rhythm, I can work for hours. I just have to force myself to start.


So I feel that I can do a lot better on my next project, which we will be briefed on next week. I think our holiday homework will probably be researching topics for the next project. I will just be glad to be rid of this one and onto something fresh. I am not sure how I did on this project to be honest. But I am cautiously optimistic about my marks. I don't think I failed this time around.

I am not happy with my project at all. But I feel that I have a much better sense of what CSM and my tutor want from me. I feel that I grew a lot as a student, and that I pushed myself to try something new and very difficult. So although the final product isn't to my liking, I am a little pleased with myself.

I cannot believe it's done. I have two fashion shows to deal with next weekend, but this was the hard part. I intended to go out tonight, but I might just stay in, put on The Young Ones and go get some take away curry.


Photos, updates on my marks, and general news, coming soon.