Big Girls Don't Cry

I have so much to write that it will have to wait until tomorrow. But for now, let me just make a note about one thing that matters to no one but myself. The Boy flew home to San Francisco this morning, and to my surprise I found that having built up some semblance of a life in London made his departure much easier to handle than his previous visits.

The last time he visited, I was angry at him for most of the week he was here (for no good reason) and spent the last three nights crying on his shoulder, worrying about how he was leaving and I would have to go back to my dorm room and my empty depressing life without him.

This time everything was different. And it was so much better.

And now, I'm going to attempt to make my bed seem less empty and go to sleep. More info on my last two weeks will be forthcoming.

Living It Up

Until two weeks ago I was one of those lame 20somethings that wasn't living up their youth. I almost always stayed in and opted out of social events or parties, making up excuses and finding reasons I couldn't go.

All of a sudden my biological social clock switched on and I've had to buy a little calendar just to keep track of all the events I've agreed to attend with new friends. I've sort of fallen into two different groups of lovely people that are into art, style, nerd stuff, and latex clothing.

London doesn't feel like such a lonely place anymore.

Where Things Stand

I have been remiss in my blogging duties. I know that a couple people back home read this in order to keep up with me, so this post is mostly for those who want an overall update.

I visited Goldsmiths some weeks ago, and was shown around the design department. I drooled over the BA Design program's facilities and the concept behind the program itself. On top of that, I really liked the idea of attending a college that wasn't just an art school. The diversity of thinking and temperament would be a nice change from all of the art-specific schools I have been to. In short, I would love to attend.

Of course the reality of life is that I can no longer afford to continue my studies, and a BA is no longer something I can aim to get. I've wasted a lot of time and money on three different schools and that decision has come back to bite me in the ass.

However, I looked over things and realized that I might be able to fund one final year of study, and suddenly the 1 year Masters at Polimoda began to look pretty good. But I find myself waffling. Maybe it's weakness, but I am hesitant to live in a country where I don't speak the language. I feel quite lonely here in England a lot of the time, so can you imagine not being able to speak comfortably with most of the population? Of course I would learn Italian, but I am very conscious of language and how it can be used. Starting over with a new language in a new country would make me feel very isolated again. I don't know if I want to do that.


In other news I have accidentally gotten myself a weekend job. I was asked to work by the head of the shoe design school. See, she runs two footwear boutiques and now I work at one of them as a salesperson. So that's kind of nice. It's also an in. It means she no longer sees me as just a student who pays to learn from her staff.

And speaking of shoes, I have been making a point of working on new design every day. I grab my bag, run down to the coffee shop and camp out with a sketchpad and a book of tracing paper. The coffee shop window sills are littered with Taschen design history books, so I often grab one at random, flip through to random pages and pick a lamp or a chair from which I sketch a page of shoes.

This new habit began when I was bitching and complaining about how I don't have access to the materials I need to continue making shoes. My flat mate got really angry and kicked me around a bit, telling me to get off my ass and stop whining. She then bought me a drink and discussed how she could help me proceed with creating a design portfolio. I worked out what I needed to do, and she offered to help me with the branding and design of the portfolio. She is also going to help me get a copy of Rhino so I can begin rendering my more radical heel/platform designs more precisely.


In other news, I have broken a long standing habit of being a hermit and begun socializing. Making new friends is really scary for me, but I really need to stop being a lonely, cranky bastard holed up on my couch and cursing the world at large.... at 24. So I've started making plans with people. Old friends, new potential friends. Every time I go to meet someone I get the overwhelming urge to cancel on them last minute. I want to wrap myself in a blanket and hide instead. But so far I've only canceled once, and that was with a legitimate reason. So, go me.


The Boy is coming to visit in less than two weeks. And as per usual I'm scrambling to make my apartment look nicer, and magically lose a few pounds. I get nervous every time he comes to visit, and dread the couple of days leading up to his departure. And since I won't be coming home for Christmas this year, I'm particularly dreading these next couple of months in solitude after he leaves.


And now I've run out of things to say, and I have to go run errands before I meet up with a cute girl for drinks tonight and pack for a party I am going to after I go to work tomorrow (whew!). So, in leiu of a witty summary for this rambling post, I leave you with a picture I took in Florence, that made me giggle:

Another +1 Networking Point

Sometimes all it takes is the right question posed to the right person at the right moment for doors to fling open for you.

As I was leaving my local cafe today I ran into the owner in the midst of a conversation with two other arty looking men. I happen to know that the owner has a background in furniture design and woodworking. Since I've been reading up on materials I might use to make heels for my prototype shoes I asked him if he had a moment for me to pick his brain about using wood for heels. He said he'd not only love to talk to me, but then introduced me to the man standing next to him. Turns out I interrupted a chat between woodworking designers. They were kind enough to give me an overview of what sorts of wood I could use, and the sorts of tools I would need. Then, this designer I just met offered to help me knock together some prototype heels if I brought him sketches and specs.

Just like that!

Looks like I'm growing a group of designers and teachers and mentors to help me as I start off on this shoe design thing. And it seems to be going pretty well.

Making Shoes

I just completed the last week of my shoe design course. During these final five days we were going to attempt the realization of a shoe design we'd worked on before leaving for Italy. For beginners like myself, five days to see a design all the way through from sketch to actual shoe is a pretty bold undertaking- especially considering the sort of designs a couple of us had in mind. I had three designs sketched out, and they were all very science fiction-y, but I settled on the one that was most complex in terms of pattern drafting. My teacher encouraged me to challenge myself.

Since I plan on actually making the other designs at a later date, I will only share those with you later. For now, here is the design I started with when I began to make the shoes:

Several changes would be made due to practicality and time, but the essence of the sketch stayed the same throughout the process of making. And now I'd like to take you through a very quick run through of my last five days, from that sketch to the actual (nearly) finished shoes.

So first we had to make a pattern. Using a last (the wood or plastic foot form), we began by taping them up and drawing on the form. We then carefully cut the patterns off and flattened them before tracing them off, adding and refining and finally creating something that would fit the foot perfectly. (I left a large block of fabric where the heel would be because at the time we weren't sure the shape of the heel I would be using.)









After much crankiness and confusion over my colors and materials I settled on a deep navy patent leather and found a beautiful warm mustard vegetable tanned leather for details. The project began as a (warning: pretentiousness ahead) "meditation on duality", so the mix of shiny and craftsmen-style leather suited my concept perfectly.



So now it was time to start making the shoes. First up, the veg tan leather toe caps. Veg tan leather is very stiff and difficult to work with. The trick to making the toe caps was to soak the leather in luke warm water and shape the toes around the lasts to let them dry.







While they were drying I began sewing all my pieces together. Adding stiffeners, shaping tape, and all the bits and bobs required to make the shoe upper and lining. I chose the bright blue suede lining because I thought it would brighten the shoe and make it look luscious and luminescent. Once the little toe caps were dried (aren't they cute?) I saw the colors and the pieces beginning to take shape and only had to put the whole thing together.







First I lasted the blue suede lining, as you can see below. Then I did a similar lasting technique to the upper (the outside layer), before gluing it all together. Next I had to shave all the edges of leather down to create a flat surface to walk on. As you can see I then filled in the bottom with a cork/acetone mixture that helps to even out the bottom surface of the shoe.







After everything was sewn up, nailed down, glued together, and attached, I began to worry because I hadn't found a heel. My original design called for a wedge, so I began to carve one out of very dense cork. In the end I realized what I really wanted was a heel and later scrapped the cork, but not before I'd put a fair amount of blood and sweat into hand shaving layers of this very very hard cork.







So the shoes were nearly finished, short of finding or carving a new heel for them. Because of the lack of heel, the big block of leather was still hanging off the back of the shoe when I presented my design to the panel of teachers on the last day. They didn't seem to mind. All in all, I have to say I'm pretty damn pleased with myself. This is only the second pair of shoes I've ever made, and I didn't even get to design the first pair.







Unlike fashion, I found to my surprise that I actually enjoyed the process of making the shoes. I loved the craft and the detail and working with the variety of materials. I loved working with tools and making a mess. Shoes are amazing. I want to do more. And more. And more and more.

I learned so much about shoes during this project. I've come to see that although I can use some of the skills I picked up in my fashion training, shoes are a different monster. For example, when pattern cutting and planning clothing, you can anticipate and use gravity to your advantage. But in footwear, you don't have points of the body to hang fabric off of, such as shoulders or hips. You have to work against gravity because the bulk of the shoe is at the bottom. So a shoe designer/pattern cutter has to think upwards instead of downwards.

I also began to appreciate how difficult it is to line things up perfectly. I realize there is a margin for error in shoes- I mean, when's the last time you stared at the stitching on your mass-produced shoes to see if it was perfectly aligned- but I have noticed that my toe caps are about 2mm different and it annoys me! On top of all of that, I have a new appreciation for working with difficult things like patent leather. That wasn't an easy choice for a beginner.

I have been getting a fantastic response about these shoes ever since I began showing them around. Even my teachers complimented my design, and I have the utmost respect for my teachers and their work. That was high praise.

My plan is to focus on making the rest of the mini-collection I designed during this class with the help of my FABULOUS teachers and mentors, and we'll see where things go from there...

What do you know- I have finally found something I love doing.

Back From Italy!

This has been the most incredible couple of weeks for me. Italy was a fantastic series of adventures which I will detail in another blog entry when I have more time. But let me just say a quick word about Italy. Although I only saw two cities, my impression can be summed up in one of the photos I took wandering Florence:

Warm light, vespas, beautiful, but a little grim around the edges, and gated. That is the Italy I saw.

Marcello, Come Here!

Monday morning, at the ungodly hour of 5am I will be setting off for a week of design work, studying, drinking, dancing, a party or two, visiting Polimoda, and then more design work in the sunny country of Italy.

It will of course be exactly like a Fellini film, kitten, fur wrap, disillusionment and all:

Good

In the last two days a lot of things have turned around.

I began a three week footwear design and production course today and I'm already working on a collection. Tomorrow we're seeing the shoe museum and visiting a couple factories, and then next Monday we fly to Italy where we will attend Linnea Pelle and visit Polimoda.

Strange timing makes this upcoming visit to Polimoda very important to me because I was just invited to apply for my MA in shoe design there. One of my shoe design teachers also teaches at Polimoda and spoke with them on my behalf, and encouraged me to apply despite not having finishing my BA. So, next week I'll not only be in Italy for the first time, but I'll also be viewing a university I hope to attend in 2011.

A number of other interesting opportunities have also popped up out of the blue as well. Things are finally looking up.

I am back in the game people. No more moping around the house and watching bad movies. I'm back in the library and doing research. I am traveling, teaching, and generally wearing myself out.

I forgot how much I hate/love dragging myself out of bed early in the morning to carry paper-heavy bags on the overheated underground, sweating like mad after bundling up against the sudden downpour, and craving coffee like a madwoman.

This is good. This is all good.

Fashion?

Fashion disgusts me right now.

The whole CSM sketchbook process was so unnatural to me that I no longer care to even attempt it. But it seems the habit has set in and I've forgotten how to be inspired without first worrying about the sketchbook.

This was upsetting because I find myself intensely inspired by things these days, and unable to respond in a way other than fashion. And fashion, as I delicately mentioned above, disgusts me. But recently I've begun looking at small fashion designers and staring at their clothing, trying to work backwards to what their initial concept might have been. It began to bother me that I couldn't imagine how I'd defend those designs to my past tutors. Then one day I stopped and said, "what the hell am I doing that for?" And that's when I realized I don't need a damn sketchbook full of research to explain my ideas to anyone anymore. Don't get me wrong, research is important but in fashion no one cares HOW you got there as long as the place you arrived is good.

Forget all my sketchbooks and research and all the time I wasted trying to explain what was perfectly clear to me to tutors that didn't understand the basics of social etiquette much less style and fashion. Forget all this "challenging myself to start from difficult and complex subjects". I should stop making it so hard on myself and just start sketching.

I want to design what I want to design. It's as simple as that.

+1 Networking Point

Woke up feeling like I'd been hit by a truck. Dragged myself to the coffee shop down the road hoping that a caffeine injection would enliven the brain a bit. It didn't.

But some good came of my miniscule effort to drag myself outside. Our local coffee shop is under a building full of artist studios and as a result the cafe owners are lovely arty people who know all the goings on above them.

As a regular who knows the entire staff by name, I found myself in a discussion about art and what I want to do with my life after I asked the owner if I could borrow this design magazine laying around the cafe with an article on rapid prototyping technology. He liked that I want to try my hand at a bit of everything right now, and said he might be able to help. Turns out a shoe designer just moved into the building above the cafe, and the cafe owners also know a fashion designer, a furniture designer, and all sorts of artists up there. He said he would love to connect me with those artists and set up a meeting so I could mingle and find myself some new internships.

I suggested they use their cafe as a meeting point for artists and designers in the area and they suddenly lit up saying, "we were JUST discussing doing that not ten minutes ago!" I offered to help organize that event, which they aim to make happen early November.

So I still feel icky and tired, but now there's a little light of hope that maybe I found a way to study under some designers, craftsmen, and artists so that I actually try my hand at all those things I dreamed about learning this year.