Fashion?

Fashion disgusts me right now.

The whole CSM sketchbook process was so unnatural to me that I no longer care to even attempt it. But it seems the habit has set in and I've forgotten how to be inspired without first worrying about the sketchbook.

This was upsetting because I find myself intensely inspired by things these days, and unable to respond in a way other than fashion. And fashion, as I delicately mentioned above, disgusts me. But recently I've begun looking at small fashion designers and staring at their clothing, trying to work backwards to what their initial concept might have been. It began to bother me that I couldn't imagine how I'd defend those designs to my past tutors. Then one day I stopped and said, "what the hell am I doing that for?" And that's when I realized I don't need a damn sketchbook full of research to explain my ideas to anyone anymore. Don't get me wrong, research is important but in fashion no one cares HOW you got there as long as the place you arrived is good.

Forget all my sketchbooks and research and all the time I wasted trying to explain what was perfectly clear to me to tutors that didn't understand the basics of social etiquette much less style and fashion. Forget all this "challenging myself to start from difficult and complex subjects". I should stop making it so hard on myself and just start sketching.

I want to design what I want to design. It's as simple as that.