I Am Going to Take CSM On...

Being at CSM right now is causing me to have panic attacks. And when the panic starts to take over, I get angry. I get furious. I get so mad adrenaline starts pumping through my veins and I feel the urge to hit something.

I wanted to speak with my tutor and sort out my grades and my progress today. He, of course, was not available. He is never available. And I feel like I've gotten very little help from him, or any of the tutors.

I feel like I'm being treated unfairly.

I am tempted to go in and speak with the head of the department tomorrow, but I've decided I need to calm down first. I am going to fly home on Monday and I am going to do everything except think about school. I am going to pamper myself and spend ridiculous amounts of money on pretty things and massages and excellent food and social outings with people who care about me and support me.

And then when I get back into town I am going to speak with student services and find someone to be my advocate in this. I will schedule an appointment with the head of my program and speak with her and the dean about whether or not I am in the right place, and what I can do to get more help on my projects from the tutors.

Then I am going to speak with the evil tutor, and in more eloquent terms tell him that I will play his stupid game, if he would just tell me what the game is. But I can only do all this once I have calmed the fuck down, because if he insulted me at all right now (and he will, because he is an ass) I would say something I regret.

I am also going to rally my classmates over the break and write a letter to the head of the fashion department stating that we feel that we need MORE tutorial time and more help, and have every student who is struggling (or not) sign it.

Chances are I will annoy the staff until they hate me. But fuck, they already do so what do I have to lose, right?

I am fed up with this place, and instead of crying about it like a child and accidentally yelling at my friends and storming off, I am going to annoy the fuck out of the school until they give me some fucking help. I mean, what am I paying them for? I am paying their fucking paychecks, and I want to know what the hell I am paying for, if not some god damn teaching...?